It's been too long since I've blogged and the last few postings have been nothing short of my tears...
I feel it is so important to say that I am doing so well... so good. God has been so incredibly faithful to ME. His love, mercy and grace have carried me above the bumps in the road, over the things that could trip me up if my eyes were not on Him.
For those who are catching up... we were almost homeless in June, my family has been separated, and through that alone I have risen above what could be a negative, spiteful time in my life and given it all to God, truly to God. I walk in peace... and happiness, content and thankful for where I am right now in my life, knowing that this is for a season and that God has so much more for me and my family.
My dear friend has gone on to be the with Lord, and while I miss her each and everyday, and it is work daily to not allow myself to ask why, question the ultimate Hand of God in our lives as well as not let myself feel sorry for "me".... I miss her so deeply, but I know more than ever how God works in such amazing ways. I know that Tami is so happy and at such peace now, it isn't about me.. it is about the Lord!!
Each day is a challenge, somedays bigger than others, each day I have to remind myself to not allow my spirit to become lazy and allow my flesh to rise up and bring me down.
God is good, each day to me, He walks with me giving me favor and wisdom (when I choose to seek Him first)... When people ask me how I am, I simply, honestly say I am great, I am good... because I am great, I am good... His grace is sufficient! So long as I am looking up, things will always look up!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Through the fire
Let me begin by saying that this is not me telling you things for you to feel bad for me...
This is all about me telling you how great my life is...
After loss, pain, hurt, disappointment and through the loss, pain, hurt, disappointment I find myself walking in joy, happiness and peace.
I walk in a peace that I can not explain to you, that while there are days that I have tears that come for the loss of my dad, my aunt, my friend or even my one child I never held or saw, I still walk in peace. The struggles in my family, my marriage, the struggles within myself over self confidence, self assurance. I walk in peace.
I have been reminded over and over of how Daniel was in the lions den or the 3 men walked through the firey furnace how they faced it, walked through it and came out untouched. I imagine they felt the heat, and they prayed all the way through... but they came out of it.
I miss my loved ones, I wonder what may have been or why they had to be taken so early in my life and their lives. But, I know that God wrapped His arms around them, He took care of them and surrounded them with love as they entered into His Glory.
And despite it all I have learned to trust in Him even more... lean on Him even more. I am stronger because I am leaning on HIm even more, I am closer to Him because of it all. And that is why I am walking in peace.
This is all about me telling you how great my life is...
After loss, pain, hurt, disappointment and through the loss, pain, hurt, disappointment I find myself walking in joy, happiness and peace.
I walk in a peace that I can not explain to you, that while there are days that I have tears that come for the loss of my dad, my aunt, my friend or even my one child I never held or saw, I still walk in peace. The struggles in my family, my marriage, the struggles within myself over self confidence, self assurance. I walk in peace.
I have been reminded over and over of how Daniel was in the lions den or the 3 men walked through the firey furnace how they faced it, walked through it and came out untouched. I imagine they felt the heat, and they prayed all the way through... but they came out of it.
I miss my loved ones, I wonder what may have been or why they had to be taken so early in my life and their lives. But, I know that God wrapped His arms around them, He took care of them and surrounded them with love as they entered into His Glory.
And despite it all I have learned to trust in Him even more... lean on Him even more. I am stronger because I am leaning on HIm even more, I am closer to Him because of it all. And that is why I am walking in peace.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Joy comes in the morning
This summer has been filled with so much. Fortunate for me and my family we walk in Faith. Faith in a living Savior who loves us so very much that He wants to take away our burdens.
I find myself walking out "Be still and know that I am God"... during all that I've faced these past few weeks all I can do is continue to move forward, by walking in the footsteps of my Lord who has gone before me, and yet He in His amazing way is walking beside me each step of the way.
The word of God says, "Joy comes in the morning..." As humans we sometimes forget that our tomorrow isn't always Gods tomorrow. So, as a child of God I will continue to Stand, Be Still, Walk in His way for my life, this gives me peace and joy.
I find myself walking out "Be still and know that I am God"... during all that I've faced these past few weeks all I can do is continue to move forward, by walking in the footsteps of my Lord who has gone before me, and yet He in His amazing way is walking beside me each step of the way.
The word of God says, "Joy comes in the morning..." As humans we sometimes forget that our tomorrow isn't always Gods tomorrow. So, as a child of God I will continue to Stand, Be Still, Walk in His way for my life, this gives me peace and joy.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Deep despair, darkness can not prevail
In April I wrote of a friendship that was restored, renewed.... a hole was filled within my heart, one that I didn't understand what created it, a friendship lost that had given me support at such a hard time of my life.
In July.... I can not even bring myself to say the words... however, it is the reality of the world I am in (not "of").
My friend, my soul sister, my confidant, my home to go to, left this world that we are in, to go to the one we are "of"...
Typically, I can rejoice in that, and while part of me does, or atleast wants to. I feel like she moved away and I didn't get to say goodbye, that she moved and while I know it was what she had to do I didn't want her to go. I stood by tearfully, trying to force a smile as I saw her leave.
I always knew I could tell her anything and that my secrets were safe with her in my heart I knew that, even though I knew she'd told me things that others had confided in her; and it was so true. While I had confided in her something that was going on in my life a couple of weeks before she left, she hadn't told a person no matter how close they were to her... not even her daughter. She was a tremendous friend. And while I knew I'd held her hand through some difficult times... she gently stroked my back during mine. Our last conversations were full of great things... positive things... chats like only I could have with her. You see with her I could tell her the worse things I'd done, the wrong choices I made, she never judged me, she never told me how stupid I was... she loved me, she told me she was there for me. And I knew that she was, whether it was another wrong choice or to hear me say, I made the right one finally, she rejoiced with me, she cried with me, she got mad with me, and mostly she laughed at me, my quirky, dorky sense of humor she loved, she told me over and over again. She always told me how pretty I was, how she always thought I was so pretty. [People, I grew up in the 80's with the puffy hair that was natural curly so it wasn't pretty like Farrah's, big round plastic glasses....] she encouraged me to write always telling me how lovely my handwriting was and my words inspired her. No one on this earth ever saw so much good in me, such potential in me or if they did they never expressed it to me... Don't get me wrong I know my mom loves me, she supports me... but well this person was divinely put in my life just as I was put in my mothers... and we aren't attached by DNA. Although I felt we were in so many ways.
Forever, my heart will ache, while I know that God loves me and that my Lord gives me the strength, and that Jesus loves me so much that He was willing to die for me... trust me I know. If it weren't for the Lord I do not know where I'd be... or I know of where I'd be and I am so grateful I don't have go there because of the mercy of Jesus.
You see my heart aches tonight for me I miss my friend who is gone from me... and yet is present with the Lord that I love so much and trust more than anyone. I am trying to be happy for her and for Him, for the first time He has literally held her in his arms. But tonight, I am hurting, longing for my friend.... crying to God to ease my pain, but sensing it will be a long time before that pain subsides... But standing still and feeling God renew me, soothe me, brings me such peace, and in His love and light darkness can not prevail.
In July.... I can not even bring myself to say the words... however, it is the reality of the world I am in (not "of").
My friend, my soul sister, my confidant, my home to go to, left this world that we are in, to go to the one we are "of"...
Typically, I can rejoice in that, and while part of me does, or atleast wants to. I feel like she moved away and I didn't get to say goodbye, that she moved and while I know it was what she had to do I didn't want her to go. I stood by tearfully, trying to force a smile as I saw her leave.
I always knew I could tell her anything and that my secrets were safe with her in my heart I knew that, even though I knew she'd told me things that others had confided in her; and it was so true. While I had confided in her something that was going on in my life a couple of weeks before she left, she hadn't told a person no matter how close they were to her... not even her daughter. She was a tremendous friend. And while I knew I'd held her hand through some difficult times... she gently stroked my back during mine. Our last conversations were full of great things... positive things... chats like only I could have with her. You see with her I could tell her the worse things I'd done, the wrong choices I made, she never judged me, she never told me how stupid I was... she loved me, she told me she was there for me. And I knew that she was, whether it was another wrong choice or to hear me say, I made the right one finally, she rejoiced with me, she cried with me, she got mad with me, and mostly she laughed at me, my quirky, dorky sense of humor she loved, she told me over and over again. She always told me how pretty I was, how she always thought I was so pretty. [People, I grew up in the 80's with the puffy hair that was natural curly so it wasn't pretty like Farrah's, big round plastic glasses....] she encouraged me to write always telling me how lovely my handwriting was and my words inspired her. No one on this earth ever saw so much good in me, such potential in me or if they did they never expressed it to me... Don't get me wrong I know my mom loves me, she supports me... but well this person was divinely put in my life just as I was put in my mothers... and we aren't attached by DNA. Although I felt we were in so many ways.
Forever, my heart will ache, while I know that God loves me and that my Lord gives me the strength, and that Jesus loves me so much that He was willing to die for me... trust me I know. If it weren't for the Lord I do not know where I'd be... or I know of where I'd be and I am so grateful I don't have go there because of the mercy of Jesus.
You see my heart aches tonight for me I miss my friend who is gone from me... and yet is present with the Lord that I love so much and trust more than anyone. I am trying to be happy for her and for Him, for the first time He has literally held her in his arms. But tonight, I am hurting, longing for my friend.... crying to God to ease my pain, but sensing it will be a long time before that pain subsides... But standing still and feeling God renew me, soothe me, brings me such peace, and in His love and light darkness can not prevail.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Didn't see that comin'
The day didn't start out quite as I had planned, but that is because I am a compulsive "planner". IF we have something to do, I make a plan for that day I will work out the details from time to get up, what needs to be done, time to leave and expected time of arrival. Is that so out of the ordinary? I guess it is to my family... While I had planned the morning out the night before, planned out the day before that, and went over the plan with the family, asked for any questions, comments or suggestions No ONE spoke up, so to me the plan was a "Go"!
Friday, was the last day of school, so the plan was to get the kids off to school, go up to the school to wrap up PTA things, hand out 'gifts' that weren't delivered the day before, pick up John Luc at 2:40, take him to get his haircut, pick up Shae-Lyn & Coulson go home change, clean up and be ready to leave for Rachels graduation by 4:45...no later than 5. We had almost 2 hr drive (counting stopping to fill up with gas) and had to be there on time to get our seats. Over slept for the last day of school... headed to school, forgot the gifts that had to be delivered, got the paperwork done, wrapped things up, left to pick up John Luc, thinking, while he is getting his haircut I will got get the gifts, drop them at the school pick up the 2 kids, go back pick up John Luc and we won't be too far behind. Hair stylist calls, she's running 15 minutes late... NOT a big deal, I will pick up the gifts, after I pick up John Luc he can help me deliver them, I will have the 2 kids walk to moms. See!! I am Flexible!! Got the haircut done, picked up the kids, got home, told the kids...Get ready to go! I jumped in the shower, got out at 4:35ish, still no husband. I will go with the natural look with the hair, put make up on in the car. 4:50 no husband, 4:55 nothing. "Someone call Dad". No answer. 5:04 pm, he finally contacts homebase and tells us to pick him up at work! What!?! Okay, jump in the car and let get going. We jump on the turnpike and head that way, pick him up around 5:20, stop get gas, on the road headed west 5:35. Finally after detours due to road construction we arrive in Fairfax... only about 5 minutes late. Not bad. It's okay, I would have just balled my eyes out watching Rachel walk down the aisle, Pom and Circumstance always makes me cry. Good thing is when I am taking photos I don't get so emotional. I walked down the aisle toward the front as the graduates came off the stage to hand out white roses to their parents. I watched Rachel to try to get a picture, but by the time I realized she was handing a rose to her Mom I was weeping... all the past thing didn't matter anymore. She was beautiful, intelligent, she accomplished the first goal in her life that will take her on the path of her adult life. Before we know it she will be getting married, and having children (not too soon!), but it all comes before we realize it. Then I followed her as she went to her Dad and gave him a rose, didn't get a picture of it... then she came to me. I was so surprised, shock doesn't even touch on it. Touched, honored... I wept, really touched my heart.
Friday, was the last day of school, so the plan was to get the kids off to school, go up to the school to wrap up PTA things, hand out 'gifts' that weren't delivered the day before, pick up John Luc at 2:40, take him to get his haircut, pick up Shae-Lyn & Coulson go home change, clean up and be ready to leave for Rachels graduation by 4:45...no later than 5. We had almost 2 hr drive (counting stopping to fill up with gas) and had to be there on time to get our seats. Over slept for the last day of school... headed to school, forgot the gifts that had to be delivered, got the paperwork done, wrapped things up, left to pick up John Luc, thinking, while he is getting his haircut I will got get the gifts, drop them at the school pick up the 2 kids, go back pick up John Luc and we won't be too far behind. Hair stylist calls, she's running 15 minutes late... NOT a big deal, I will pick up the gifts, after I pick up John Luc he can help me deliver them, I will have the 2 kids walk to moms. See!! I am Flexible!! Got the haircut done, picked up the kids, got home, told the kids...Get ready to go! I jumped in the shower, got out at 4:35ish, still no husband. I will go with the natural look with the hair, put make up on in the car. 4:50 no husband, 4:55 nothing. "Someone call Dad". No answer. 5:04 pm, he finally contacts homebase and tells us to pick him up at work! What!?! Okay, jump in the car and let get going. We jump on the turnpike and head that way, pick him up around 5:20, stop get gas, on the road headed west 5:35. Finally after detours due to road construction we arrive in Fairfax... only about 5 minutes late. Not bad. It's okay, I would have just balled my eyes out watching Rachel walk down the aisle, Pom and Circumstance always makes me cry. Good thing is when I am taking photos I don't get so emotional. I walked down the aisle toward the front as the graduates came off the stage to hand out white roses to their parents. I watched Rachel to try to get a picture, but by the time I realized she was handing a rose to her Mom I was weeping... all the past thing didn't matter anymore. She was beautiful, intelligent, she accomplished the first goal in her life that will take her on the path of her adult life. Before we know it she will be getting married, and having children (not too soon!), but it all comes before we realize it. Then I followed her as she went to her Dad and gave him a rose, didn't get a picture of it... then she came to me. I was so surprised, shock doesn't even touch on it. Touched, honored... I wept, really touched my heart.
One of those moments that I wouldn't have seen coming and will NEVER forget. A few weeks before that her brother, Jack said something to me on facebook and it was also one of those moments I will never forget. After giving him a little advice, nothing he asked for directly, but me being me, gave it to him anyway... he replied back and said, "Thanks Debbie, you always know the right thing to say." This was from my 16 yr old stepson.... he doesn't know how much that meant to me. Another one I sure didn't see coming... and will not soon forget.
So as I we were driving home I went over Plan A, Plan B... went with Plan A, everyone seemd to be in agreement. Not so much when it was time to implement the plan.....
Got started later than planned due to not sticking to the plan. Got everyone where they needed to be, on time, reasonably speaking. Headed to the ballfields for John Luc to play baseball first time in weeks.
Did I mention that Shae-Lyn had her dance recital today as well... oh yes and originally she was dancing the Act I which was perfect with my busy day, John Lucs baseball schedule was an early game and a late game... which meant if I could make arrrangements to get her to rehearsal that morning I could go to John Lucs first game... get done with the game pick her up take her to the hair stylist to get her hair put up, watch her dance take her after she is done performing we could head to the baseball fields, again and all watch John Luc play at 6:15. Whew!! That was too easy----------------------
Get to rehearsal at 9 am; her group is now dancing in Act II... which will be about the time John Lucs game is starting if I am lucky. I almost cried, how do I choose between my 2 children and watching them do the things the love so much! It will work out, it will work out. So off I go to drive Gerald to work. On the way to the baseball game my brother happens to come to mind, IF Curtis is going to the late game, maybe he could get John Luc out there for me and then Shae and I will head out that way as soon as she is done dancing. YES! Curtis can... it is all coming together. I knew it would just wasn't sure how it would....
We arrive at the correct ballfields all is going well. Looking forward to working on my ballpark tan...ah the joy of baseball. It's a bit windy, ah who am I kidding it is very windy. But it is afterall, Oklahoma!
The game begins, not winning but not bad.... John Luc pitched, ah ok..not great. He was hitting well, this has been a good year for him especially with hitting the ball. He's having fun with this group... I am so grateful, you really do not know unless you've had a child who LOVES something, it's his passion it has been since before he was ever on a team, he use to dress up as a little boy and tell me he was ready to go play ball. He would say my coach called mom...he didn't have a coach or a team. Not in reality... but in his dreams he did, he always gives 110%, his heart is so big for the game, he is a coaches dream to coach-I have had coaches tell me that. Nonetheless his first broken heart was from a coach... so to have him on this team who believes in him, embraces him and encourages him... what an answer to prayer. Anyway, so he was playing 2nd base, the ball was bouncing all over the place on these fields. Seemed to hit the ground and go a bit crazy... it had gotten past him a few times, this time it didn't get past him. It hit him on the nose! Down he went. Calmly I got up to show I was a concerned parent. As I heard the coaches yell we need rags... and a coach looked at me said, "His nose is bleeding a bit, Mom". I figured as much... I really wasn't worried. So, loaded up his bag, they called the game walked down to the car, loaded up got in and he broken down... "It hurts Mommy!" When your 14 yr old son, who is as tall as you and his voice is deeper says Mommy it takes you spinning back to when he was 2... Calmly I said I understand son, let get going, get some ice.. and access after that. I called my brother and told him what was going on so he could set my Mom up for what may lie ahead. We get to Moms, and his nose was so swollen, his eye looked a bit black and while the bleeding has slowed down it wasn't done. So, I decided it was off to the ER we go.
WAIT!! Shae-Lyn... her hair appointment was at 2, it was 1:25... I looked at her and said, I have to take your brother to the ER, (I just knew she'd fall apart, just knew she wouldn't want to go to the recital without me while this was going on with her brother)... she said, well go ahead and I will get ready for my recital. I explained I wasn't sure how long it would take and she said she understood... My little girl has really grown up. She was calm and mature, not angry, or disappointed. She rose to the occasion and followed through on her committment to her class. Everyday I thank God my Mom is around, available and able to help me with my kids. Today, if it weren't for her Shae-Lyn would have had to miss her recital.
WAIT!! Shae-Lyn... her hair appointment was at 2, it was 1:25... I looked at her and said, I have to take your brother to the ER, (I just knew she'd fall apart, just knew she wouldn't want to go to the recital without me while this was going on with her brother)... she said, well go ahead and I will get ready for my recital. I explained I wasn't sure how long it would take and she said she understood... My little girl has really grown up. She was calm and mature, not angry, or disappointed. She rose to the occasion and followed through on her committment to her class. Everyday I thank God my Mom is around, available and able to help me with my kids. Today, if it weren't for her Shae-Lyn would have had to miss her recital.
We arrived at the ER...
Of course there is a wait... we are watching the clock, me to see if we are going to make Shae-Lyns recital, John Luc was itching to get back to the ballfields... After about an hour my brother and his family stop by, he was still in taking John Luc to the baseball game mode. After sitting there for an hour with 4 patients in front of us; John Luc still in some pain, and still a bit of blood coming from his nose we are all thinking if we make it he won't be playing...
So, while I am sitting there... trying to keep from being inpatient I am facebooking (thank the Lord for technology!)... texting... people are praying for John Luc. And those that know that Shae-Lyn is preparing for her recital without her support group with her, I know they were saying a prayer for her. To be honest I was praying for her and Mema more than I was John Luc, I suppose because he was sitting there with me, she was not.
About 5:30 pm they call John Luc back, they say, "We have opened our Fast Track up to help get some of you out of here, sorry for your long wait". [Here is my thinking... its an ER, people are there for help, you never know how many people are going to be coming in... I am not frustrated, annoyed, or irritable. Not worried, knowing that someone bigger than me is in control because I have given HIM control]. They sit John Luc down, it's not broken...(hoorah) they go into more details...explaining what to do... good thing they write it all down because right now I can't tell you much they said, except by 5:38 pm they were telling us the news by 5:45 they were signing paperwork and we were in the car, by 6 pm we were at the recital, waiting for Shae-Lyn to come on stage... by 6:27 she was on stage, graceful, beautiful, elegant... she is transformed when she in in ballet mode. She appears so different... she is a ballerina.
I was able to get down by the stage and take a few pictures, she looked over and saw me. I am not sure how it made her feel to see I was there... but it sure made me feel good to be able to see her dance. She honestly, didn't look surprised... it was like she knew I would be there, or she just had peace, confidence. She's always exuding confidence that exceeds my imagination. From Kindergarten on... from time to time I see pieces of her confidence be challenged but she seems to be like lizard when the lose a piece of their tail it grows back. When someone chips away at her confidence, it always seems to come back... She is beautiful... everytime I look at my children I an struck by the awe factor that they are MY children... really they are God's, I can not take much credit for who they are, really. I am such a flawed person, so far from the amazing people they already are, it is not possible for them to be WHO they are without God guiding them, directing me.
The day ended with joy, peace, a very grateful heart on my part. Exhausted... but truly with a smile on my face and in my heart.
We woke up and started the day with John Luc saying he was in no pain, so off to baseball we went, called his coach and said he was feeling good. We got there and God blessed us again by an outpouring of generousity of love and support by the people HE has placed in our lives...
John Luc played well, again, hit well... a bit timid when he played 2nd... but he did well, his team played well. He had a good time with is new friends, who I believe God sent to us for a reason, as He always does. They won a game and lost a game, which sent us home to relax and get back into our day to day life and outside of our baseball world...
I certainly didn't see alot of that comin', and I didn't look forward to see it go, it was a good weekend, full of love, peace and joy... I guess what I've learned is that when I trust Him, it doesn't matter what is comin' I don't see it but He does and He is in control of my life, and all of those who come into my life.
Happy Hippos Batman!!
As a small child I loved Batman. Not, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, or even easy on the eyes George Clooney... but the old "Bam, Pow, Bang" Batman. I was a small toddler and my Mom tells me I would sit there and watch it over and over, infact so much so that one of my first words was Batman. I wonder now if my cousin Brian watched it and I joined in.
I will never forget the home we lived in with my grandmother, Ruth Soderboom. My father had been sent to VIetnam, he worked with rescue helicopters. My Mom a new mother, and I a baby spent quite some time with my Grandma in Rockford, lived in a 2-story gray house. We lived upstairs and Arte Johnson and his wife lived downstairs... a swedish man, small in stature, very big in heart. I can not recall his wifes name, but I do recall things. I can remember the stairs that led to our home, the dark wood, with black runner made of plastic or rubber. I recall walking up the stairs to the door that lead into the home. I remember the creeking sounds the old wood made. Most of all I remember the smell. A dark, warm odor, probably (since I am not a big drinker) from the liquor that was consumed by the adults.
I have fond memories of love, joy... time with my cousin and my Grandmother that we lost a few years later. I still have one of the Christmas gifts I received at that home on my first Christmas; I also have a doll bed that Arte built for me.
Life is beautiful... life is something to cherish... to relish in ever moment... soak up each event and the love that you feel. As a young child I learned that, early on in my life I learned that you do not know what the next moment is going to hold for you. I think it gave me a different insight for the people in my life... to really SEE them in my life and appreciate that they were put in my life for a reason, even if at that moment I do not know or possibly they do not know why. No matter how big or small they have contributed to my life just as each breathe I take is important to my survival, each person who I have known has given to my life and helped me become there person I am... and will continue to be... I trust that I will continue to learn, grow, and become a better Christian, mother, wife, daugther, sister, cousin, aunt, friend a dominant contributor to this world we live in---through the strength and wisdom of my Lord and Savior!
I will never forget the home we lived in with my grandmother, Ruth Soderboom. My father had been sent to VIetnam, he worked with rescue helicopters. My Mom a new mother, and I a baby spent quite some time with my Grandma in Rockford, lived in a 2-story gray house. We lived upstairs and Arte Johnson and his wife lived downstairs... a swedish man, small in stature, very big in heart. I can not recall his wifes name, but I do recall things. I can remember the stairs that led to our home, the dark wood, with black runner made of plastic or rubber. I recall walking up the stairs to the door that lead into the home. I remember the creeking sounds the old wood made. Most of all I remember the smell. A dark, warm odor, probably (since I am not a big drinker) from the liquor that was consumed by the adults.
I have fond memories of love, joy... time with my cousin and my Grandmother that we lost a few years later. I still have one of the Christmas gifts I received at that home on my first Christmas; I also have a doll bed that Arte built for me.
Life is beautiful... life is something to cherish... to relish in ever moment... soak up each event and the love that you feel. As a young child I learned that, early on in my life I learned that you do not know what the next moment is going to hold for you. I think it gave me a different insight for the people in my life... to really SEE them in my life and appreciate that they were put in my life for a reason, even if at that moment I do not know or possibly they do not know why. No matter how big or small they have contributed to my life just as each breathe I take is important to my survival, each person who I have known has given to my life and helped me become there person I am... and will continue to be... I trust that I will continue to learn, grow, and become a better Christian, mother, wife, daugther, sister, cousin, aunt, friend a dominant contributor to this world we live in---through the strength and wisdom of my Lord and Savior!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Time....!
Wow... where has the time gone? It's the middle of May already.
My Shae-Lyn turned 11 yrs old, I am finding it very difficult to say that she is 11 years old!!! I keep wanting to say she is 9 or 10 (sshhh! Don't tell her). She's done so well in school, learning lifes lessons are the hardest thing for me to sit back and 'watch' my children go through. Although, I have to say they seem to be able to roll with the punches of life and get right back up and move forward.
It was also my Dads birthday on the 8th... such an emotional day for me, that and his last day on earth. My brother and his family and my kids and I met up at moms house and we did some work outside and then ate lunch... Mom gave us a photo of my dad when he was a baby. It was a great way to honor him. So many days I think of what he is missing by not being here part of my life, my childrens life. Since my hope lies that he is in peace in Heaven, I guess ultimately I think of how much I miss him and the dream every child has, but probably doesn't realize until they are an adult, the dream of their parents being a part of their life for a very long time, for most of their lifetime.
Mothers Day came along with my birthday... and it went. But, Monday rolled around and I went to lunch with my girfriends.... what a great idea. We have discussed having a birthday lunch club... meeting up once a month or 6 wks to celebrate birthdays.
>>Side note, I watched The Middle, Mothers Day episode...she suggests having a post Mothers Day celebration that is truly for Mom the day after, great idea!
The month has been amazing just as I knew May would be and it is only half way done.
The reunion with my childhood best friends has been so soothing, so natural. While we have so much to catch up on it doesn't feel like it we have missed all the years together. I can not wait to see her face to face. To sit and talk with her... what is so interesting is that we experienced the same things in life in so many ways.
WAIT!!! Did I mention that I have been bumped up to PTA President? Yes that is right, when my husband asked me what I thought, I elloquently (ok in debbieisms as my husband calls it) said something I had read, God doesn't give me something that he has not already put within me the ability to do! So, it's all on God... I will succeed because of Him... as I do in all areas of my life. Half way there...whoa oh..Livin on prayer... because of my Faith it is all Good, all the TIME!
My Shae-Lyn turned 11 yrs old, I am finding it very difficult to say that she is 11 years old!!! I keep wanting to say she is 9 or 10 (sshhh! Don't tell her). She's done so well in school, learning lifes lessons are the hardest thing for me to sit back and 'watch' my children go through. Although, I have to say they seem to be able to roll with the punches of life and get right back up and move forward.
It was also my Dads birthday on the 8th... such an emotional day for me, that and his last day on earth. My brother and his family and my kids and I met up at moms house and we did some work outside and then ate lunch... Mom gave us a photo of my dad when he was a baby. It was a great way to honor him. So many days I think of what he is missing by not being here part of my life, my childrens life. Since my hope lies that he is in peace in Heaven, I guess ultimately I think of how much I miss him and the dream every child has, but probably doesn't realize until they are an adult, the dream of their parents being a part of their life for a very long time, for most of their lifetime.
Mothers Day came along with my birthday... and it went. But, Monday rolled around and I went to lunch with my girfriends.... what a great idea. We have discussed having a birthday lunch club... meeting up once a month or 6 wks to celebrate birthdays.
>>Side note, I watched The Middle, Mothers Day episode...she suggests having a post Mothers Day celebration that is truly for Mom the day after, great idea!
The month has been amazing just as I knew May would be and it is only half way done.
The reunion with my childhood best friends has been so soothing, so natural. While we have so much to catch up on it doesn't feel like it we have missed all the years together. I can not wait to see her face to face. To sit and talk with her... what is so interesting is that we experienced the same things in life in so many ways.
WAIT!!! Did I mention that I have been bumped up to PTA President? Yes that is right, when my husband asked me what I thought, I elloquently (ok in debbieisms as my husband calls it) said something I had read, God doesn't give me something that he has not already put within me the ability to do! So, it's all on God... I will succeed because of Him... as I do in all areas of my life. Half way there...whoa oh..Livin on prayer... because of my Faith it is all Good, all the TIME!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
And Here We Go Again...
Ah I love that song... "Here I go again on my own....going down the only road I've ever known.... like a drifter I was born to walk alone...." whoa, wait a minute....
I am not a drifter nor and I born to walk alone. The road, it's the not the only one I've ever known, but this is a road I have chosen to walk down, with someone who loves me more than I could imagine was possible to love an individual.
He loves me so much that he knows me, he knows what I need or want before I do. And guess what? All I have to do is lean on him, and lets be really honest when we love someone, truly love someone, we want to be everything to them, for them. Help them, we want them to want us. "I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me..." that is true, that part of the song is true at least.
I was a drifter walking alone... but that was not my destiny, nor what was purposed for my life. I do not believe for one minute that any of use are destined for that.
Nonetheless, I found myself walking alone for quite sometime, never understand why I felt so alone. I had my family, my precious children (ah their love has me awestruck). So if I wasn't alone why did I feel alone?
Hmm... I really don't know, because I was doing what I thought was right spiritually speaking, even. Even before my dad died we went to church, I do not recall a time that we missed church on a Sunday except when we weren't home. I remember getting new shoes, purse, gloves, hat everything for every religious holiday. Nothing more quite like a pretty new pair of white patent shoes.... seriously, I looked forward to those every year, I'd wear them once and have black heel marks on them after my first wear. I looked forward to being able to do the same thing for my daughter when I had her. After dad died we went to church, we were taught that God loved us so much that He gave His only Son for our sins. I believed that...
oh there were times as an adult that I made decisions that I know broke Gods heart.... looking back they broke my heart. Then I would do them again... shame on me. But, God forgave me and as I allowed Him to break through to my heart I felt peace after many, many years. Still I was lonely... achingly so. I had friends, and the seemed to come and go in and out of my life, then slowly about a year ago I began to see things shift. Instead of wondering why all the time, I began to thank Him for what was before me.
After this year things really began to turn around... the closer I became to him, the more I got to know him, the more I understood how very much he loves me, unconditionally even when I yell at my kids or I am short tempered with my husband or mom.... He loves me and because he loves me I am seeing what I am doing wrong and I am becoming a better person, better mom, daughter, sister, friend, wife.
I read a scripture that told me that wise people do not allow others to annoy them [Proverbs 12:16]... so I am determined to be wise and not allow others to annoy me, that is not to say that I am going to lose my passion. If I lose my passion I would not be who I am and who he has allowed me to become. So, there are times like tonight when I was in a room of people (almost all women/mothers) and I heard them being so negative, talking about all that could go wrong instead of what could possibly go right... whew that got to me. I mean seriously, do you KNOW what God has done for me lately?
He has restored relationships, opened doors of opportunity, began new relationships....
Lastly, and biggest... my first best friend from childhood found me recently... I wept when I saw her name... I weep thinking of it all now, tears of joy.
So you see Here We Go Again.... down the road paved with love and joy.... like a victor I am not on my own!
I am not a drifter nor and I born to walk alone. The road, it's the not the only one I've ever known, but this is a road I have chosen to walk down, with someone who loves me more than I could imagine was possible to love an individual.
He loves me so much that he knows me, he knows what I need or want before I do. And guess what? All I have to do is lean on him, and lets be really honest when we love someone, truly love someone, we want to be everything to them, for them. Help them, we want them to want us. "I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me..." that is true, that part of the song is true at least.
I was a drifter walking alone... but that was not my destiny, nor what was purposed for my life. I do not believe for one minute that any of use are destined for that.
Nonetheless, I found myself walking alone for quite sometime, never understand why I felt so alone. I had my family, my precious children (ah their love has me awestruck). So if I wasn't alone why did I feel alone?
Hmm... I really don't know, because I was doing what I thought was right spiritually speaking, even. Even before my dad died we went to church, I do not recall a time that we missed church on a Sunday except when we weren't home. I remember getting new shoes, purse, gloves, hat everything for every religious holiday. Nothing more quite like a pretty new pair of white patent shoes.... seriously, I looked forward to those every year, I'd wear them once and have black heel marks on them after my first wear. I looked forward to being able to do the same thing for my daughter when I had her. After dad died we went to church, we were taught that God loved us so much that He gave His only Son for our sins. I believed that...
oh there were times as an adult that I made decisions that I know broke Gods heart.... looking back they broke my heart. Then I would do them again... shame on me. But, God forgave me and as I allowed Him to break through to my heart I felt peace after many, many years. Still I was lonely... achingly so. I had friends, and the seemed to come and go in and out of my life, then slowly about a year ago I began to see things shift. Instead of wondering why all the time, I began to thank Him for what was before me.
After this year things really began to turn around... the closer I became to him, the more I got to know him, the more I understood how very much he loves me, unconditionally even when I yell at my kids or I am short tempered with my husband or mom.... He loves me and because he loves me I am seeing what I am doing wrong and I am becoming a better person, better mom, daughter, sister, friend, wife.
I read a scripture that told me that wise people do not allow others to annoy them [Proverbs 12:16]... so I am determined to be wise and not allow others to annoy me, that is not to say that I am going to lose my passion. If I lose my passion I would not be who I am and who he has allowed me to become. So, there are times like tonight when I was in a room of people (almost all women/mothers) and I heard them being so negative, talking about all that could go wrong instead of what could possibly go right... whew that got to me. I mean seriously, do you KNOW what God has done for me lately?
He has restored relationships, opened doors of opportunity, began new relationships....
Lastly, and biggest... my first best friend from childhood found me recently... I wept when I saw her name... I weep thinking of it all now, tears of joy.
So you see Here We Go Again.... down the road paved with love and joy.... like a victor I am not on my own!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Facebook, a gift from--God!
I wrote this blog last night, Tuesday April 27. For some reason I didn't feel I should post it last night...
God is a good God. I've heard it over and over and everytime I've replied either "Yes He is" or "All the time" sometimes a simple "Amen". But each time I've believed it.
So what does He have to do with facebook...
Well, I am a stay at home mom, some days it seems that I am not at home as much as I my title implies I should be. But, you know I do what I've got to do.... okay I really do what I like to do, which I believe is what I am suppose to be doing at the time. Don't get me wrong there are those days that I am doing things that I don't like or want to do, but I do them and when I do them with a glad heart I always enjoy myself.
I honestly believe God is touching my life by using facebook. No I am not talking about the bounty of Farmville.... I am talking about the doors that have opened to people who I haven't talked to in too long, or some doors to people I remember and I knew but I know them on a new level, and have a new relationship with them now because of facebook.
Seriously, there is a one person that was in high school with me. I knew her, but never really knew her. Now, I know her, I know her heart, her concerns, what she loves... and it is such a blessing.
Then there is a person who lives far away, who I honestly have always cared about but didn't know very well.... how do I care about them but not know them? We are related...okay--- I have gotten to know this person and have laughed so much; if you do not know me, I LOVE to laugh... I love to make you laugh, laughter is so energizing...it brings such a sense of revival within me.
Today, I get a message from someone I have wondered about for years (from my high school years)...' do you remember?' they ask, why of course I remember. . . and what a skip in my step it brought. I am anxious to get to know them again...
This doesn't even touch on those who are believers, and hear from the Lord and then post what they feel God is telling/teaching them.... how amazing is that? To be able to hear and see what God is showing others all around the world, well okay it's country for now. But, I see God taking these people out into the world...
I get to talk to my family whether near or far. New friends, dear friends, past friends, they all become present friends. And I do NOT take any of them lightly... I do NOT throw the word "friend" around without merit or weight. Sure, I have my "go to" friends the ones I can email pictures of shoes to when I need help deciding... Or call to cry with, but then they are the same friend I will call and rejoice with... I have friends who I can share and learn things about our Lord; I have others that I can share my Lord with. (This is me, the person who was so lonely... missing that 'friend' who got me, and even if she didn't get me at the moment she had my back....)
I look at my life, and see a fields of beautiful flowers, blowing gently in the wind... I stand and feel the wind blow through my hair, I close my eyes and smell the beauty of it all... in wonderment of all that God has blessed me with. And best of all, I see with my spirit what more God has for me... it's there and as long as I keep my eyes on Him; FIXED on Him, there is no limit to what He has for me...
Okay.... remember what I said? "There is no limit for what He has for me..." Wow what a declaration...and how did He prove that to me today, Wednesday April 28 at 11 pm. A must read is my blog "Debbie!?! (From Across the Street)
God is a good God. I've heard it over and over and everytime I've replied either "Yes He is" or "All the time" sometimes a simple "Amen". But each time I've believed it.
So what does He have to do with facebook...
Well, I am a stay at home mom, some days it seems that I am not at home as much as I my title implies I should be. But, you know I do what I've got to do.... okay I really do what I like to do, which I believe is what I am suppose to be doing at the time. Don't get me wrong there are those days that I am doing things that I don't like or want to do, but I do them and when I do them with a glad heart I always enjoy myself.
I honestly believe God is touching my life by using facebook. No I am not talking about the bounty of Farmville.... I am talking about the doors that have opened to people who I haven't talked to in too long, or some doors to people I remember and I knew but I know them on a new level, and have a new relationship with them now because of facebook.
Seriously, there is a one person that was in high school with me. I knew her, but never really knew her. Now, I know her, I know her heart, her concerns, what she loves... and it is such a blessing.
Then there is a person who lives far away, who I honestly have always cared about but didn't know very well.... how do I care about them but not know them? We are related...okay--- I have gotten to know this person and have laughed so much; if you do not know me, I LOVE to laugh... I love to make you laugh, laughter is so energizing...it brings such a sense of revival within me.
Today, I get a message from someone I have wondered about for years (from my high school years)...' do you remember?' they ask, why of course I remember. . . and what a skip in my step it brought. I am anxious to get to know them again...
This doesn't even touch on those who are believers, and hear from the Lord and then post what they feel God is telling/teaching them.... how amazing is that? To be able to hear and see what God is showing others all around the world, well okay it's country for now. But, I see God taking these people out into the world...
I get to talk to my family whether near or far. New friends, dear friends, past friends, they all become present friends. And I do NOT take any of them lightly... I do NOT throw the word "friend" around without merit or weight. Sure, I have my "go to" friends the ones I can email pictures of shoes to when I need help deciding... Or call to cry with, but then they are the same friend I will call and rejoice with... I have friends who I can share and learn things about our Lord; I have others that I can share my Lord with. (This is me, the person who was so lonely... missing that 'friend' who got me, and even if she didn't get me at the moment she had my back....)
I look at my life, and see a fields of beautiful flowers, blowing gently in the wind... I stand and feel the wind blow through my hair, I close my eyes and smell the beauty of it all... in wonderment of all that God has blessed me with. And best of all, I see with my spirit what more God has for me... it's there and as long as I keep my eyes on Him; FIXED on Him, there is no limit to what He has for me...
Okay.... remember what I said? "There is no limit for what He has for me..." Wow what a declaration...and how did He prove that to me today, Wednesday April 28 at 11 pm. A must read is my blog "Debbie!?! (From Across the Street)
Debbie!?! (From Across the Street)
Words can not begin to explain what I am feeling tonight.
In a split second your life can change or you can feel like it has changed.
I feel that I have lost alot in my life.... alot of love has been taken from me but tonight I am reminded that when something is taken from you (stolen) God will return it to you and when God does something for you He gives you more than was taken.
I think of my Dad everyday, somedays it brings a smile, others saddness. I miss him, I miss that person, I miss what I had with him and I miss what I didn't get to have with him. I ache when I look at my children and I think of what he has missed... my heartbreaks for him.
And while I know people who have lost loved ones... (parents who lost children, siblings who lost brothers and sisters) no one person truly knows how you feel or how much it hurts. My own brother doesn't share the loss or grief that I do. My Mom does but only in the past few years has she shown that to me.
Of course the Lord knows... He feels it but there is one other person on this earth who I KNOW, KNOWS what I feel and the bond that we share has kept her alive in my heart since the beginning of our relationship.
Little did we know that we would have so much in common... our parents knew each other from their youth, our bedroom windows faced each other, man, we even shared the same name....our birthdays were within weeks of each other... did we know at such a young age that we were destined to meet? You know what? Yes, I think we did... maybe not to the degree we do now but we knew. I don't think our parents knew. [Or they wouldn't have told the school to not let us be in the same kindergarten class--broke my heart--I was so scared to not be in class with Debbie. (Just kidding Moms)... it was probably best or we wouldn't have learned a thing.]
But that fateful year 1973 we became so much more than childhood friends... and God knew in 1965 or before that we would need each other.
You see Debbie was the friend who lost her mom the summer of 73, it was Debbie's window I looked at and I wept for my friend who lost her Mommy....I remember lifting my shade and pulling it back down. Thinking it just didn't seem fair, didn't seem real, how could it be.
Then 2 months later Debbie had to see me through my most difficult time when she heard the word that my Daddy died.... how do you wrap your mind around that at 8 yrs old? You see God knew we would need each other, we being children could get each other through it.
A few years later her dad remarried, I tried to be happy for her, I think I seemed happy for her (sorry Debbie if I didn't fake it well enough). But, I was sad because that also meant they would be moving on with a new part of their life and there just may not be room for us.
Remember, not only did Debbie and I lose a parent, our other parent lost their loves, our siblings who were younger lost a parent... we were tied together and after losing someone the last thing I wanted to do was lose someone else.
I am guessing here but, I can imagine that we spent time together and felt an ease because we didn't have to talk about our pain, we already knew what the other was going through.
Time went by and we spent time together when we could. Eventually, the time was less and then we lost touch.
Not a week goes by that I didn't think of Debbie (& Mindy). Wondering where she was, wondering if we saw each other again if there would be an awkwardness; would I be the only one who still cared?
I have been making declarations.... saying a prayer with my family.
I have been believing God for things:
I walk in Your timing.
My emotions are sound and stable.
I speak peace into my life, relationships...
Everything that is misaligned I command to come into divine alignment in my life.
I command everything to be released in Jesus' name.
I am living my most blessed and best days now.
Yesterday, I get a message from a friend that I knew back in high school. I thought, wow how great is this! Lovin' this facebook. I get to talk to my cousin who makes me laugh everytime we talk, now this friend 'finds' me. I am blessed, thank you God.
Today, after spending the day busy... I hadn't had a chance to get on my laptop so I pick up my phone to check my emails...
I saw a name... I looked again, and I instantly began to cry. My poor kids and husband didn't know what was going on.
They'd heard the story, of my best friend, Debbie... so when I got the words out Debbie found me, she's on facebook my heart began to beat so hard, my hands were shaking I couldn't believe it... I couldn't think clearly. My dear, cherished friend who had become almost like a dream to me because I only saw her in my mind and wasn't sure if I'd ever see her face to face again. And here she was... we 'talked' as you do on facebook. While we did a piece of my heart was healed, a part was put back with her coming back into my life. A love was given back to me... stronger than ever, deeper than I ever imagined, a bond was broken because of time and space and it was restored.
You may not understand how 2 little girls could hurt so much and miss each other so much for so many years, but Debbie and I understand and that's what makes us love each other so much....
Don't tell me God doesn't hear our cries... don't tell me there aren't miracles and never wonder how or who He will use-Thank you God, thank you so much for this amazing gift you have given back to me...
In a split second your life can change or you can feel like it has changed.
I feel that I have lost alot in my life.... alot of love has been taken from me but tonight I am reminded that when something is taken from you (stolen) God will return it to you and when God does something for you He gives you more than was taken.
I think of my Dad everyday, somedays it brings a smile, others saddness. I miss him, I miss that person, I miss what I had with him and I miss what I didn't get to have with him. I ache when I look at my children and I think of what he has missed... my heartbreaks for him.
And while I know people who have lost loved ones... (parents who lost children, siblings who lost brothers and sisters) no one person truly knows how you feel or how much it hurts. My own brother doesn't share the loss or grief that I do. My Mom does but only in the past few years has she shown that to me.
Of course the Lord knows... He feels it but there is one other person on this earth who I KNOW, KNOWS what I feel and the bond that we share has kept her alive in my heart since the beginning of our relationship.
Little did we know that we would have so much in common... our parents knew each other from their youth, our bedroom windows faced each other, man, we even shared the same name....our birthdays were within weeks of each other... did we know at such a young age that we were destined to meet? You know what? Yes, I think we did... maybe not to the degree we do now but we knew. I don't think our parents knew. [Or they wouldn't have told the school to not let us be in the same kindergarten class--broke my heart--I was so scared to not be in class with Debbie. (Just kidding Moms)... it was probably best or we wouldn't have learned a thing.]
But that fateful year 1973 we became so much more than childhood friends... and God knew in 1965 or before that we would need each other.
You see Debbie was the friend who lost her mom the summer of 73, it was Debbie's window I looked at and I wept for my friend who lost her Mommy....I remember lifting my shade and pulling it back down. Thinking it just didn't seem fair, didn't seem real, how could it be.
Then 2 months later Debbie had to see me through my most difficult time when she heard the word that my Daddy died.... how do you wrap your mind around that at 8 yrs old? You see God knew we would need each other, we being children could get each other through it.
A few years later her dad remarried, I tried to be happy for her, I think I seemed happy for her (sorry Debbie if I didn't fake it well enough). But, I was sad because that also meant they would be moving on with a new part of their life and there just may not be room for us.
Remember, not only did Debbie and I lose a parent, our other parent lost their loves, our siblings who were younger lost a parent... we were tied together and after losing someone the last thing I wanted to do was lose someone else.
I am guessing here but, I can imagine that we spent time together and felt an ease because we didn't have to talk about our pain, we already knew what the other was going through.
Time went by and we spent time together when we could. Eventually, the time was less and then we lost touch.
Not a week goes by that I didn't think of Debbie (& Mindy). Wondering where she was, wondering if we saw each other again if there would be an awkwardness; would I be the only one who still cared?
I have been making declarations.... saying a prayer with my family.
I have been believing God for things:
I walk in Your timing.
My emotions are sound and stable.
I speak peace into my life, relationships...
Everything that is misaligned I command to come into divine alignment in my life.
I command everything to be released in Jesus' name.
I am living my most blessed and best days now.
Yesterday, I get a message from a friend that I knew back in high school. I thought, wow how great is this! Lovin' this facebook. I get to talk to my cousin who makes me laugh everytime we talk, now this friend 'finds' me. I am blessed, thank you God.
Today, after spending the day busy... I hadn't had a chance to get on my laptop so I pick up my phone to check my emails...
I saw a name... I looked again, and I instantly began to cry. My poor kids and husband didn't know what was going on.
They'd heard the story, of my best friend, Debbie... so when I got the words out Debbie found me, she's on facebook my heart began to beat so hard, my hands were shaking I couldn't believe it... I couldn't think clearly. My dear, cherished friend who had become almost like a dream to me because I only saw her in my mind and wasn't sure if I'd ever see her face to face again. And here she was... we 'talked' as you do on facebook. While we did a piece of my heart was healed, a part was put back with her coming back into my life. A love was given back to me... stronger than ever, deeper than I ever imagined, a bond was broken because of time and space and it was restored.
You may not understand how 2 little girls could hurt so much and miss each other so much for so many years, but Debbie and I understand and that's what makes us love each other so much....
Don't tell me God doesn't hear our cries... don't tell me there aren't miracles and never wonder how or who He will use-Thank you God, thank you so much for this amazing gift you have given back to me...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Seeds
I heard Wendy Treat speak recently--- write down your seed thoughts she said... don't dismiss those little thoughts that come into your mind... acknowledge them. Don't wait because if we wait, then later we may not remember them...
Oh how true is that? How many times do things come into my head and I think oh I won't forget that and then when I have time to sit down and write it down I forget it...
So, I've been trying to remember to do just that. When I feel something come to my mind I try to write it down, make note of it somewhere. That reminds me, get a bigger purse so I can keep my small notebook in my purse to write things down...okay back on track : - ).
As I hear things or say them... if I forget them does that mean it wasn't God.
I don't believe so.
One time I remember feeling this overwhelming desire to write a letter to a woman I respected very much. I wrote what I was feeling or hearing, to this day I only recall parts of it. I mailed the letter, sometime later she saw me and told me that she received it and it was something she'd been praying about.
Sometimes the seeds are thoughts of something bigger that God may have for someone else, but wants to deliver it through us. Sometimes they are seeds that take longer to grow and may not even make sense or apply to our lives until a later time or situation.
If I am seeking God, and if I am reading the word more and studying it more it seems to only make sense that God is going to drop more seeds in my mind because it has become a ready plowed land... ironically the seed will grow better with fertilizer... of course I don't mean literal manure, or do I?
When a farmer/gardener does fertilize their crops or seeds what grows? Manure? No, the seed and it grows stronger, bigger and the flower is vibrant and beautiful. I am not saying that we should allow ourselves to go places that we know we shouldn't be, or participate in 'crap' that we know we shouldn't. What I am saying is that when the seed is planted and it has fertilizer thrown on it; it has a better chance of growing stronger.... bigger.... brighter.
How much clearer can we see a picture when it is contrasted?
(You know like when someone prints a photo in black and white but highlights part of it in color, you are automatically looking at the color.)
How much sweeter is the smell of something after you smell the stench of something bad?
So, the next time you feel you are surrounded by the fertilizer of life.... possibly God is using that situation to help the seed of something to grow.... keep your Eyes on Jesus.
Oh how true is that? How many times do things come into my head and I think oh I won't forget that and then when I have time to sit down and write it down I forget it...
So, I've been trying to remember to do just that. When I feel something come to my mind I try to write it down, make note of it somewhere. That reminds me, get a bigger purse so I can keep my small notebook in my purse to write things down...okay back on track : - ).
As I hear things or say them... if I forget them does that mean it wasn't God.
I don't believe so.
One time I remember feeling this overwhelming desire to write a letter to a woman I respected very much. I wrote what I was feeling or hearing, to this day I only recall parts of it. I mailed the letter, sometime later she saw me and told me that she received it and it was something she'd been praying about.
Sometimes the seeds are thoughts of something bigger that God may have for someone else, but wants to deliver it through us. Sometimes they are seeds that take longer to grow and may not even make sense or apply to our lives until a later time or situation.
If I am seeking God, and if I am reading the word more and studying it more it seems to only make sense that God is going to drop more seeds in my mind because it has become a ready plowed land... ironically the seed will grow better with fertilizer... of course I don't mean literal manure, or do I?
When a farmer/gardener does fertilize their crops or seeds what grows? Manure? No, the seed and it grows stronger, bigger and the flower is vibrant and beautiful. I am not saying that we should allow ourselves to go places that we know we shouldn't be, or participate in 'crap' that we know we shouldn't. What I am saying is that when the seed is planted and it has fertilizer thrown on it; it has a better chance of growing stronger.... bigger.... brighter.
How much clearer can we see a picture when it is contrasted?
(You know like when someone prints a photo in black and white but highlights part of it in color, you are automatically looking at the color.)
How much sweeter is the smell of something after you smell the stench of something bad?
So, the next time you feel you are surrounded by the fertilizer of life.... possibly God is using that situation to help the seed of something to grow.... keep your Eyes on Jesus.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Our world of DVRing
Tonight my boys went to my brothers house to play with their cousins. So, it was Shae-Lyn, Gerald and I.... all the way home she chatted up a storm. Non-stop, it was so cute. For the first time in a long time Gerald was in a chatty mood and he couldn't get a word in edge wise, it was so fun (I hadn't felt well earlier in the day).
She's an amazing young lady, she is small, petitie for her age. So, when I see her I see my little girl; when I look at her I see a young lady in the making.
She wants so much to be a help to people, but she gets so emotionally involved that she typically gets too worked up. And when she tells the story of the events unfolding it is quite humorous.
She loves animals... such a tender heart toward them and would take in a stray animal and as I found out last year a stray person. Last summer she was playing with some girls when I called her in for dinner she asked if they could stay, of course as a mom I said well they should probably go home; as it turned out their mom was gone and they were locked out of the house. Her oldest brother was appalled that she's invited 3 extra for dinner but I reminded him that we were examples of Christ and she was definitely walking out the love that Christ would have for those children.
Even as scared as she was of cats after she'd been attacked by her cat she would not hear of putting our outside cat back "outside" when we moved and she (Momma Kitty) had decided to become an indoor cat. Shae would hide and run from her... but when I offered to find her a new home she worried about who would care for her and how... and said no I want to make sure she is taken care of. She is no longer afraid of Momma Kitty and they are 2 peas in a pod...
Tonight as we spent time together, which wasn't all fun when we had to have 'another' heart to heart about her room and the organization of it... but we got all that done and then sat down and watched a chick flick, which I have to say is one of my most favorite parts of having a daughter. Getting to sit down under a blanket, our favorite drinks, and a good movie or show.
As we finished our movie and we began watching something that we'd DVR'd... during a commerical I said, "You can fast forward it". She looked at me and said, "I know but I like the commericals because we get to talk and I love talking with you Mom."
I am not sure that I will fast forward anymore while I am watching TV with my children....
I certainly don't want to fast forward through life with my children.... slow down and enjoy life moments with them....
She's an amazing young lady, she is small, petitie for her age. So, when I see her I see my little girl; when I look at her I see a young lady in the making.
She wants so much to be a help to people, but she gets so emotionally involved that she typically gets too worked up. And when she tells the story of the events unfolding it is quite humorous.
She loves animals... such a tender heart toward them and would take in a stray animal and as I found out last year a stray person. Last summer she was playing with some girls when I called her in for dinner she asked if they could stay, of course as a mom I said well they should probably go home; as it turned out their mom was gone and they were locked out of the house. Her oldest brother was appalled that she's invited 3 extra for dinner but I reminded him that we were examples of Christ and she was definitely walking out the love that Christ would have for those children.
Even as scared as she was of cats after she'd been attacked by her cat she would not hear of putting our outside cat back "outside" when we moved and she (Momma Kitty) had decided to become an indoor cat. Shae would hide and run from her... but when I offered to find her a new home she worried about who would care for her and how... and said no I want to make sure she is taken care of. She is no longer afraid of Momma Kitty and they are 2 peas in a pod...
Tonight as we spent time together, which wasn't all fun when we had to have 'another' heart to heart about her room and the organization of it... but we got all that done and then sat down and watched a chick flick, which I have to say is one of my most favorite parts of having a daughter. Getting to sit down under a blanket, our favorite drinks, and a good movie or show.
As we finished our movie and we began watching something that we'd DVR'd... during a commerical I said, "You can fast forward it". She looked at me and said, "I know but I like the commericals because we get to talk and I love talking with you Mom."
I am not sure that I will fast forward anymore while I am watching TV with my children....
I certainly don't want to fast forward through life with my children.... slow down and enjoy life moments with them....
from the beginning
There's always a beginning. To a story, a project...
Here's my beginning.
I am one of 2 children, I am the protective older sibling. My brother being about 2 yrs younger than me.
My mother is from a small town in Kansas, a large family being 1 of 8, the second oldest. Her mother died when she was 16... it was a tragic event in the childrens lives for more than one reason; although the true story varies. It's always difficult when you lose a parent. Her father 'remarried' soon after, Mom always remained in church and after she graduated high school she moved to Minnesota with friends from Kansas. Only recently did I find out that the reason they chose Minnesota was because they heard that a temp employee could make more money while they went to college up there. So, she ventured out, seeing her first escalator --that's all I know about that, or about all.
During that time she meets my father, a full blood Swede, the youngest of 2 children. The oldest being a sister. He is in the AirForce this is during the Vietnam War. The meet, get married in December of 64.... I am born on Mothers Day of 65, one day shy of my fathers birthday....we lived in Rapid City, SD. We soon moved to Rockford, IL; Mom and I lived with my dads mother while he was stationed overseas. He was an air rescue pilot... flew helicopters in and rescued soliders. We stayed in Rockford until dad was stationed to Wichita, KS then we moved there, which is where my younger brother was born in the fall of 67. Dad raced cars and worked at a gas station when he wasn't performing his military duties. To this day the smell of exhaust of race cars and the sound of the engines gets me giddy. Snowmobiles do the same thing for me, dad had one later in our life.
Eventually Dad had to take an honorable discharge to go take care of his mother who was very sick with cancer...
We lived in this 2 story house, it was white with red trim. The next door neighbors, Dorothy and Bruce...she had beautiful red hair, he reminded me a bit of Fred from I Love Lucy but not so loud. She would give us milk with an ice cube in it. Grandma Soderboom died... we moved into a new house and a neighborhood with families much more our age.
The family across the street ended up being a couple that my dad knew in school. They had 2 daughters, one my age, one my brothers.
The family next door a wonderful couple with 2 children younger than me. Lana kept an eye out for us often... Jerry worked at a car manufacturing plant, and drove a gold car and a corvette.... the things we remember. She made the best chocolate chip cookies...
So, I started school there, I was intimidated by my teacher(s), I remember being quiet, but I think that was just in my head; after seeing report cards with notes from the teachers.
Until 3rd grade, I wasn't afraid of my teacher, I liked her, she was pretty and young and kind. But it was also in 3rd grade that my life changed forever.....
I woke up one morning and my mom wasn't there, I asked my dad where she was and he told me that Deb (my best friend from across the street, whose parents went to school with my dad) had lost her mom, she had died of cancer. I recall going to my window and looking at Debs which was directly across from mine and being so sad for my friend. That was about August of 73 (if I am remember right).
Dad drank, quite a bit. I remember his behavior after drinking. But he was never mean, or cruel. We did things as a family, snowmobiling, camping, the 'club'... I suppose we were the All-American family. We had 2 cars, a camper he had a motorcycle.... life was good it was normal. We spent all of the holidays with his moms family, because his fathers side was pretty much gone. His sister was in Wisconsin, his dad died before I was born, he had an aunt but I believe she was out east for most of his life so I guess they were all that close.
Then in September of 73, my mom woke me up one morning with my godfather Nick standing beside her, her eyes where red and they told my brother and I that our dad wouldn't be coming home again. There'd been an accident.....
Our lives changed at that moment and would never again be the same-
Here's my beginning.
I am one of 2 children, I am the protective older sibling. My brother being about 2 yrs younger than me.
My mother is from a small town in Kansas, a large family being 1 of 8, the second oldest. Her mother died when she was 16... it was a tragic event in the childrens lives for more than one reason; although the true story varies. It's always difficult when you lose a parent. Her father 'remarried' soon after, Mom always remained in church and after she graduated high school she moved to Minnesota with friends from Kansas. Only recently did I find out that the reason they chose Minnesota was because they heard that a temp employee could make more money while they went to college up there. So, she ventured out, seeing her first escalator --that's all I know about that, or about all.
During that time she meets my father, a full blood Swede, the youngest of 2 children. The oldest being a sister. He is in the AirForce this is during the Vietnam War. The meet, get married in December of 64.... I am born on Mothers Day of 65, one day shy of my fathers birthday....we lived in Rapid City, SD. We soon moved to Rockford, IL; Mom and I lived with my dads mother while he was stationed overseas. He was an air rescue pilot... flew helicopters in and rescued soliders. We stayed in Rockford until dad was stationed to Wichita, KS then we moved there, which is where my younger brother was born in the fall of 67. Dad raced cars and worked at a gas station when he wasn't performing his military duties. To this day the smell of exhaust of race cars and the sound of the engines gets me giddy. Snowmobiles do the same thing for me, dad had one later in our life.
Eventually Dad had to take an honorable discharge to go take care of his mother who was very sick with cancer...
We lived in this 2 story house, it was white with red trim. The next door neighbors, Dorothy and Bruce...she had beautiful red hair, he reminded me a bit of Fred from I Love Lucy but not so loud. She would give us milk with an ice cube in it. Grandma Soderboom died... we moved into a new house and a neighborhood with families much more our age.
The family across the street ended up being a couple that my dad knew in school. They had 2 daughters, one my age, one my brothers.
The family next door a wonderful couple with 2 children younger than me. Lana kept an eye out for us often... Jerry worked at a car manufacturing plant, and drove a gold car and a corvette.... the things we remember. She made the best chocolate chip cookies...
So, I started school there, I was intimidated by my teacher(s), I remember being quiet, but I think that was just in my head; after seeing report cards with notes from the teachers.
Until 3rd grade, I wasn't afraid of my teacher, I liked her, she was pretty and young and kind. But it was also in 3rd grade that my life changed forever.....
I woke up one morning and my mom wasn't there, I asked my dad where she was and he told me that Deb (my best friend from across the street, whose parents went to school with my dad) had lost her mom, she had died of cancer. I recall going to my window and looking at Debs which was directly across from mine and being so sad for my friend. That was about August of 73 (if I am remember right).
Dad drank, quite a bit. I remember his behavior after drinking. But he was never mean, or cruel. We did things as a family, snowmobiling, camping, the 'club'... I suppose we were the All-American family. We had 2 cars, a camper he had a motorcycle.... life was good it was normal. We spent all of the holidays with his moms family, because his fathers side was pretty much gone. His sister was in Wisconsin, his dad died before I was born, he had an aunt but I believe she was out east for most of his life so I guess they were all that close.
Then in September of 73, my mom woke me up one morning with my godfather Nick standing beside her, her eyes where red and they told my brother and I that our dad wouldn't be coming home again. There'd been an accident.....
Our lives changed at that moment and would never again be the same-
Ah Did I mention I saw BonJovi!
Let me explain that I've had fun, done fun things. I've always dreamed of bigger more fun, exciting things.
When I was a girl in Illinois and Happy Days was so popular... I had a crush on Potsie... they were doing publicity jaunts at malls. Of course, Ralph Mouth came to our mall. I had mom take me... hoping that he would shake my hand or who knows what I truly expected at that age, something magical I suppose. He passed by the crowd of screaming girls and I seem to recall him brushing my hand, honestly I don't even know if that actually happened.
For years life was like that. The magical evenings that all teenage girls look forward to: first dates, homecoming, prom... the cutest date I ever had was a winter dance. But, no magic... fun yes but not magical.
I always kept my heads in the romantic clouds, hoping one day something dreamy would happen.
A couple years ago BonJovi came to a city near by... but we didn't go, I justified it by saying, well it is the winter and we always get ice during those months and it would be so disappointing to have the tickets and not get to go. Then finally in the city next to ours they built a new arena with promises of big names coming to town. I looked at my family and said, If Bon Jovi comes I so want to be there... (or something to that affect).
The announcement was made, the tickets went on sale... it looked as if it just wasn't going to happen. My spouse made promises... of tickets, 3 he said he had... the week before the concert he came home with 2... still I remained calm, trying not to think too much about the possibility of actually being in the same space as Jon Bon Jovi and breathing the same AIR as he would be...
The day of the concert came and hours before I allowed my excitement to come to the surface. I started saying outloud I am going to see Bon Jovi... (okay I went a bit nuts on facebook with it, but afterall it was BON JOVI) got dressed wore my favorite shoes, that make me taller and of course seem thinner. Certainly I wanted to present myself in the best possible condition you know just incase I was close enough for Jon himself to see me....
We got to the concert parking wasn't difficult as long as you were willing to pay anything from $20-$40... we got good parking for a minimal charge.
We got inside the arena, waited in line at the merchandise table.... and then stopped for refreshments, diet coke and ham sandwich for me.... on to the seats...
............wait let me rewind. I love to watch people, I am sure someone is watching me and scratching their head wondering "what was she thinking" on more than one occasion...... so let me say as an avid people watcher, one who finds pleasure in it, that I am not attempting to be mean spirited when I say "I have NO idea what most of those women were thinking". They were dressed in leather pants, dresses that looked as if they just stepped out of a set of MTV you know when MTV still showed videos and music; short, tall, thin, thick--mostly short and thick. Heels, flipflops, tennis shoes, orthopedics, slippers-okay maybe I didn't see slippers but there were over 16,000 people there (I heard) and I can tell you by the way some of those women were dressed someone had slippers on!
We stood in line for 45 minutes at the merchandise table and then suddenly someone posted a sign on us that said, "they are suckers you can cut infront of them".... seriously about 2 people infront of us they started cutting.... my husband was being oh so coi about it and saying outloud 'I know they aren't cutting!' I tapped the young girl on the shoulder and nicely said, hon we are next. And she was sweet about it while the adults that were infront of her were pushy and just rude enough to stay put and continue to tell the poor sales lady what they wanted. But it was okay we got our stuff we went on...
ONTO the seats-We walk in find out section 119, walk down the aisle to row E...X, W, U, V all way to K... finally I counted backwards, hubby walked down, we walked back up, the usher walked down, the usher walked up, she said your seats are covered with equipment (blah,blah,blah) she was so nice, "You'll have to go to the box office and tell them and they will tell you where you will sit" So, I waited with the usher, mainly because I was wearing my favorite shoes that until that time were the most comfortable shoes I owned, even more than my Pumas... but I made the mistake of putting too much lotion on my feet, and then my feet got sweaty and slipped around alot and were KILLING ME... so I waited. And I have to tell you I waited patiently. No, really I did. I stood there and I looked to God and I said, "Well, God let's just see what YOU are going to do for me (should've said us but it was Bon Jovi)... I know you have something better for us." Hubby showed up about the time the opening act was half way through... he walked down the aisle, and up the aisle and then motioned for me. By then I had decided to kick off the great shoes to get down the aisle.
We walked down and BAM! Yes, BAM! front row, not floor but front row, my seat was directly across from the stage edge, side that Richie would be standing on.... oh my good gracious, sakes alive! God is so GOOD!
We could watch them tune up guitars, and get ready for what was next whether it be BonJovi coming out, or making small changes to the stage....
The time had come and the lights went out, truly this was going to be a magical night (for me atleast). They came out, they were so close (and yet so far).... but closer than further. I was on my feet, screaming like a teen, jumping up and down, waving my hands in the air.... the whole rock concert thing--well I did keep my shirt on and no panties on the stage, after all I am an adult now.
Jon began walking around the stage.... oh my here he was coming to my side, oh my closer, finally closer to the edge....less than 10 yards way, I'd say about 5 yds away.... OH MY he was looking at me! No seriously he was! I wanted to turn around and look to see who he was looking at but I was afraid if I looked away he'd be gone.... it was quite the moment, one that I live in my head over and over.... one that everytime I hear a BonJovi song I can't help but have a big ol' smile on my face. I was trying to snap off pics on my iPhone (they wouldn't let me bring my camera in..ugh)... but I was so enraptured by the Jon-ness of the situation that it didn't matter....
Let me just say he is as charming as he appears, as beautiful as he seems and that smile, hair, face, skin, chest.... well it is all so very real!!!
*deep sigh, and big smile*
It was worth giving up the magical nights of prom, homecoming, first dates and yes even not seeing Potsie to wait for it at this time in my life and to share it with BonJovi.... forever in my mind....in my heart....no matter what you think I know that God had His hand in this magical night.... because He is a good God and He loves me so much!!
When I was a girl in Illinois and Happy Days was so popular... I had a crush on Potsie... they were doing publicity jaunts at malls. Of course, Ralph Mouth came to our mall. I had mom take me... hoping that he would shake my hand or who knows what I truly expected at that age, something magical I suppose. He passed by the crowd of screaming girls and I seem to recall him brushing my hand, honestly I don't even know if that actually happened.
For years life was like that. The magical evenings that all teenage girls look forward to: first dates, homecoming, prom... the cutest date I ever had was a winter dance. But, no magic... fun yes but not magical.
I always kept my heads in the romantic clouds, hoping one day something dreamy would happen.
A couple years ago BonJovi came to a city near by... but we didn't go, I justified it by saying, well it is the winter and we always get ice during those months and it would be so disappointing to have the tickets and not get to go. Then finally in the city next to ours they built a new arena with promises of big names coming to town. I looked at my family and said, If Bon Jovi comes I so want to be there... (or something to that affect).
The announcement was made, the tickets went on sale... it looked as if it just wasn't going to happen. My spouse made promises... of tickets, 3 he said he had... the week before the concert he came home with 2... still I remained calm, trying not to think too much about the possibility of actually being in the same space as Jon Bon Jovi and breathing the same AIR as he would be...
The day of the concert came and hours before I allowed my excitement to come to the surface. I started saying outloud I am going to see Bon Jovi... (okay I went a bit nuts on facebook with it, but afterall it was BON JOVI) got dressed wore my favorite shoes, that make me taller and of course seem thinner. Certainly I wanted to present myself in the best possible condition you know just incase I was close enough for Jon himself to see me....
We got to the concert parking wasn't difficult as long as you were willing to pay anything from $20-$40... we got good parking for a minimal charge.
We got inside the arena, waited in line at the merchandise table.... and then stopped for refreshments, diet coke and ham sandwich for me.... on to the seats...
............wait let me rewind. I love to watch people, I am sure someone is watching me and scratching their head wondering "what was she thinking" on more than one occasion...... so let me say as an avid people watcher, one who finds pleasure in it, that I am not attempting to be mean spirited when I say "I have NO idea what most of those women were thinking". They were dressed in leather pants, dresses that looked as if they just stepped out of a set of MTV you know when MTV still showed videos and music; short, tall, thin, thick--mostly short and thick. Heels, flipflops, tennis shoes, orthopedics, slippers-okay maybe I didn't see slippers but there were over 16,000 people there (I heard) and I can tell you by the way some of those women were dressed someone had slippers on!
We stood in line for 45 minutes at the merchandise table and then suddenly someone posted a sign on us that said, "they are suckers you can cut infront of them".... seriously about 2 people infront of us they started cutting.... my husband was being oh so coi about it and saying outloud 'I know they aren't cutting!' I tapped the young girl on the shoulder and nicely said, hon we are next. And she was sweet about it while the adults that were infront of her were pushy and just rude enough to stay put and continue to tell the poor sales lady what they wanted. But it was okay we got our stuff we went on...
ONTO the seats-We walk in find out section 119, walk down the aisle to row E...X, W, U, V all way to K... finally I counted backwards, hubby walked down, we walked back up, the usher walked down, the usher walked up, she said your seats are covered with equipment (blah,blah,blah) she was so nice, "You'll have to go to the box office and tell them and they will tell you where you will sit" So, I waited with the usher, mainly because I was wearing my favorite shoes that until that time were the most comfortable shoes I owned, even more than my Pumas... but I made the mistake of putting too much lotion on my feet, and then my feet got sweaty and slipped around alot and were KILLING ME... so I waited. And I have to tell you I waited patiently. No, really I did. I stood there and I looked to God and I said, "Well, God let's just see what YOU are going to do for me (should've said us but it was Bon Jovi)... I know you have something better for us." Hubby showed up about the time the opening act was half way through... he walked down the aisle, and up the aisle and then motioned for me. By then I had decided to kick off the great shoes to get down the aisle.
We walked down and BAM! Yes, BAM! front row, not floor but front row, my seat was directly across from the stage edge, side that Richie would be standing on.... oh my good gracious, sakes alive! God is so GOOD!
We could watch them tune up guitars, and get ready for what was next whether it be BonJovi coming out, or making small changes to the stage....
The time had come and the lights went out, truly this was going to be a magical night (for me atleast). They came out, they were so close (and yet so far).... but closer than further. I was on my feet, screaming like a teen, jumping up and down, waving my hands in the air.... the whole rock concert thing--well I did keep my shirt on and no panties on the stage, after all I am an adult now.
Jon began walking around the stage.... oh my here he was coming to my side, oh my closer, finally closer to the edge....less than 10 yards way, I'd say about 5 yds away.... OH MY he was looking at me! No seriously he was! I wanted to turn around and look to see who he was looking at but I was afraid if I looked away he'd be gone.... it was quite the moment, one that I live in my head over and over.... one that everytime I hear a BonJovi song I can't help but have a big ol' smile on my face. I was trying to snap off pics on my iPhone (they wouldn't let me bring my camera in..ugh)... but I was so enraptured by the Jon-ness of the situation that it didn't matter....
Let me just say he is as charming as he appears, as beautiful as he seems and that smile, hair, face, skin, chest.... well it is all so very real!!!
*deep sigh, and big smile*
It was worth giving up the magical nights of prom, homecoming, first dates and yes even not seeing Potsie to wait for it at this time in my life and to share it with BonJovi.... forever in my mind....in my heart....no matter what you think I know that God had His hand in this magical night.... because He is a good God and He loves me so much!!
If I told you were to find a treasure...what would you do?
The question arose tonight in a decision I was having.
Not a treasure chest, but a treasure for living live, yes, yes, I am talking spiritually.
Now remember these are my thoughts... seeds planted in my head that I am beginning to explore spiritually speaking to see if they line up with the Word of God--
If I go to God, and I seek Him, I desire to learn more about Him.... I follow Him and heed to His voice, what I feel He is telling me what to do... then I would expect that the rest of the things in my life will fall into place according to His will in my life.
Seems so simple, doesn't it? Almost too simple. Logically speaking it is simple 2+2=4, I have 2 cookies you have 2 cookies together we have 4.
So, if I say that I read the word of God and it tells me:
"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. THEN you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Judges 1:7-9
So this advice (scripture) says to me: Be strong, do not be afraid, obey the laws (word of God), meditate on the Book of the Law (word of God), be careful to DO what it says... then I will be prosperous and successful.
That gets me excited.... that tells me that if I do step 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I will be successful!!!!!
And they are not hard steps, it isn't anymore than we expect of our children, than our employers expect of US...
Why then when you tell someone, when you show someone do they not get it, do they not feel the excitement that you do.
After all I just told you that God said, the creator of heaven and earth and all that is on it or has ever been on it, that if you meditate on His word, obey it and not be afraid.... you will be prosperous and successful! Just follow what He told Moses to tell us..... ah yeah the 10 Commandments.
Seems like I just told you (& I) where the X is now you (we) just have to dig through your (our) flesh, will, human nature and not be afraid to trust God....
Not a treasure chest, but a treasure for living live, yes, yes, I am talking spiritually.
Now remember these are my thoughts... seeds planted in my head that I am beginning to explore spiritually speaking to see if they line up with the Word of God--
If I go to God, and I seek Him, I desire to learn more about Him.... I follow Him and heed to His voice, what I feel He is telling me what to do... then I would expect that the rest of the things in my life will fall into place according to His will in my life.
Seems so simple, doesn't it? Almost too simple. Logically speaking it is simple 2+2=4, I have 2 cookies you have 2 cookies together we have 4.
So, if I say that I read the word of God and it tells me:
"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. THEN you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Judges 1:7-9
So this advice (scripture) says to me: Be strong, do not be afraid, obey the laws (word of God), meditate on the Book of the Law (word of God), be careful to DO what it says... then I will be prosperous and successful.
That gets me excited.... that tells me that if I do step 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I will be successful!!!!!
And they are not hard steps, it isn't anymore than we expect of our children, than our employers expect of US...
Why then when you tell someone, when you show someone do they not get it, do they not feel the excitement that you do.
After all I just told you that God said, the creator of heaven and earth and all that is on it or has ever been on it, that if you meditate on His word, obey it and not be afraid.... you will be prosperous and successful! Just follow what He told Moses to tell us..... ah yeah the 10 Commandments.
Seems like I just told you (& I) where the X is now you (we) just have to dig through your (our) flesh, will, human nature and not be afraid to trust God....
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
When a day starts out on bad email....
Okay I will admit it and if you know me it's not a surprise, I am NOT a morning person. Never have been... it doesn't bother me much, when I have to be somewhere I get up and I am there, presentable... on a good day lookin' good. Most times I am on time especially if I don't have to get out the door with Coulson.
He's like the kids on Family Circle.... gets distracted easily and before you know it I am waiting for him at the door, he's not much of a morning person either, unless he stays with Mema (my mom) then he's up early, sitting around watching the news.... poor little guy had an overload of natural disasters last week after staying with her.
Where was I? Oh yeah getting distracted, haha!
So, when I wake up to the alarm on my iPhone because my alarm clock just doesn't always want to work....what is the first thing I do [?]... blink to clear out the dryness in my eyes, pick up the phone turn off the alarm and see that I have (typically) 60 something emails waiting for me. So, I glance through them and read the ones from PTA, or from friends or family I am waiting to hear from....
And this is where it all begins----you ready?
Is it too much to ask that IF you have something to accuse me of no matter how clever you think you are being with your indirectness and you do not have the nerve to dial my number then at the very LEAST wait until after 9 am and I've had a chance to get my children off to school with a happy mom in their presence not an irriated, and bit irrational ticked off woman!
When someone wrongly accuses or offends me especially when I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I am not guilty of what they are saying, I can literally feel my blood begin to get warm....my heart pounds hard....I can not concentrate on what needs to be done, my mind becomes boggled down with the lack of class or coothe that the person has.
I guess even in the "loud" home I was raised in my mom never was confrontational or accused me of things [until I was an adult and guess what she was right about what I was doing..]
So, despite my moms sweet, quiet dispostion (hee,hee) I am a peace-maker, I don't like people to not like me and quite honestly would never intentionally do something to hurt someones feelings, I would go out of my way to make sure I don't say something in a way that would hurt them. On the other hand I wear my heart on my sleeve and can really get my feelings hurt; I will at times say 'oh it was offensive' but it wasn't even that mature... it truly, flat out just hurt my feelings.
I attempted to take a deep breathe to begin what could be a day that made me sick, or should I say sicker than I already felt... that's another symptom of my offendedness (Debisms as my husband calls it) feeling sick to my stomach of course I have to be pretty upset to get that far.... very few situations/people have taken me that far.
I walked out the door, and went to take the kids to school. First chance I got I took out my bible and begin reading.....
There are so many times in my life that I have just let my bible open up and began reading where it fell; I have always felt it was 'divine' and that God was showing me what to read or study.... This time I KNOW it was God.
My bible opened to Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.... this fit perfectly what was going on at the moment... I felt vindicated by the Lord I liked so much what I read that I read on you know the feeling, oh yeah I was right they were SOOOO wrong....
Proverbs 12:16....(ouch a slap in the face) A fool shows his annoyance but a prudent man overlooks an insult. God truly has a sense of humor and I know when to take advice and correction and accepted that and repented and quite honestly laughed at myself for being 'called out' by my Heavenly Father.
From that point on I wasn't offended by what was said (or should I say typed), because I heard the advice of the Lord. --you know back to verse 15.... a wise man listens to advice, and the advice was overlooking an insult--
I went on to read Proverbs, one of my favorite books of the bible, it is so full of lessons and bits of wisdom that truly can be applied to life even if you aren't a believer you could apply these things to your life and make the world a better place---
Vs. 18, Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.....Oh more than ever I want to be wise.... listening, healing, overlooking insults can you imagine how peaceful your life (ok MY life) would be if I didn't allow things to insult me, {deep sigh followed by an inward peace}.
Proverbs 13:5, The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked bring shame AND disgrace.
Vs. 10, Pride ony breeds quarrels but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Vs. 13, He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.
Vs. 18, He who ignores discipline comes to poverty & shame but whoever heeds correction is honored.
Proverbs 2:7, He holds victory instore for the upright, he is a shielf to those whose walk is blameless.
Ecclesiates 8:1, Who is like a wise man? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a mans face and changes its hard appearance.
So, I went on and my day was full of peace and joy; I felt support from friends near and far, I found a deep appreciation for the people (as far away as Germany and as close as Broken Arrow) that God has chosen to put my intersect my path with.... you see if I had not chosen to walk with the Lord, He would not have put YOU in my life no matter who you are, no matter if you believe like I do... God did put you in my life and I thank HIM for that. I learned so much that day when someone (thing) tried to start my day out with a bad email.... God truly turns things around for good to those who love Him!!!
He's like the kids on Family Circle.... gets distracted easily and before you know it I am waiting for him at the door, he's not much of a morning person either, unless he stays with Mema (my mom) then he's up early, sitting around watching the news.... poor little guy had an overload of natural disasters last week after staying with her.
Where was I? Oh yeah getting distracted, haha!
So, when I wake up to the alarm on my iPhone because my alarm clock just doesn't always want to work....what is the first thing I do [?]... blink to clear out the dryness in my eyes, pick up the phone turn off the alarm and see that I have (typically) 60 something emails waiting for me. So, I glance through them and read the ones from PTA, or from friends or family I am waiting to hear from....
And this is where it all begins----you ready?
Is it too much to ask that IF you have something to accuse me of no matter how clever you think you are being with your indirectness and you do not have the nerve to dial my number then at the very LEAST wait until after 9 am and I've had a chance to get my children off to school with a happy mom in their presence not an irriated, and bit irrational ticked off woman!
When someone wrongly accuses or offends me especially when I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I am not guilty of what they are saying, I can literally feel my blood begin to get warm....my heart pounds hard....I can not concentrate on what needs to be done, my mind becomes boggled down with the lack of class or coothe that the person has.
I guess even in the "loud" home I was raised in my mom never was confrontational or accused me of things [until I was an adult and guess what she was right about what I was doing..]
So, despite my moms sweet, quiet dispostion (hee,hee) I am a peace-maker, I don't like people to not like me and quite honestly would never intentionally do something to hurt someones feelings, I would go out of my way to make sure I don't say something in a way that would hurt them. On the other hand I wear my heart on my sleeve and can really get my feelings hurt; I will at times say 'oh it was offensive' but it wasn't even that mature... it truly, flat out just hurt my feelings.
I attempted to take a deep breathe to begin what could be a day that made me sick, or should I say sicker than I already felt... that's another symptom of my offendedness (Debisms as my husband calls it) feeling sick to my stomach of course I have to be pretty upset to get that far.... very few situations/people have taken me that far.
I walked out the door, and went to take the kids to school. First chance I got I took out my bible and begin reading.....
There are so many times in my life that I have just let my bible open up and began reading where it fell; I have always felt it was 'divine' and that God was showing me what to read or study.... This time I KNOW it was God.
My bible opened to Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.... this fit perfectly what was going on at the moment... I felt vindicated by the Lord I liked so much what I read that I read on you know the feeling, oh yeah I was right they were SOOOO wrong....
Proverbs 12:16....(ouch a slap in the face) A fool shows his annoyance but a prudent man overlooks an insult. God truly has a sense of humor and I know when to take advice and correction and accepted that and repented and quite honestly laughed at myself for being 'called out' by my Heavenly Father.
From that point on I wasn't offended by what was said (or should I say typed), because I heard the advice of the Lord. --you know back to verse 15.... a wise man listens to advice, and the advice was overlooking an insult--
I went on to read Proverbs, one of my favorite books of the bible, it is so full of lessons and bits of wisdom that truly can be applied to life even if you aren't a believer you could apply these things to your life and make the world a better place---
Vs. 18, Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.....Oh more than ever I want to be wise.... listening, healing, overlooking insults can you imagine how peaceful your life (ok MY life) would be if I didn't allow things to insult me, {deep sigh followed by an inward peace}.
Proverbs 13:5, The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked bring shame AND disgrace.
Vs. 10, Pride ony breeds quarrels but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Vs. 13, He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.
Vs. 18, He who ignores discipline comes to poverty & shame but whoever heeds correction is honored.
Proverbs 2:7, He holds victory instore for the upright, he is a shielf to those whose walk is blameless.
Ecclesiates 8:1, Who is like a wise man? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a mans face and changes its hard appearance.
So, I went on and my day was full of peace and joy; I felt support from friends near and far, I found a deep appreciation for the people (as far away as Germany and as close as Broken Arrow) that God has chosen to put my intersect my path with.... you see if I had not chosen to walk with the Lord, He would not have put YOU in my life no matter who you are, no matter if you believe like I do... God did put you in my life and I thank HIM for that. I learned so much that day when someone (thing) tried to start my day out with a bad email.... God truly turns things around for good to those who love Him!!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday MckLinky: April 19, 1995 - Where Were You?
April 19, 1995 – If you're a long-time Oklahoman you know the significance of this day. If you're not, well, you probably know the significance as well.
It was the day our state was rocked to its very core, the day our sense of security was shaken and the day we collectively asked “Why?”
At 9:02am on April 19, 1995, the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City exploded as a result of the most destructive act of terrorism American had ever known at that time. The bomb killed 168 people, including 19 children. More than 680 people were injured, 324 buildings within a sixteen-block radius were damaged, 86 cars were destroyed, and the explosion shattered glass in 258 buildings close by. In addition to the deaths, building destruction and damage to property, people all over the state were, in an instant, knocked from the reverie of their normal day-to-day goings on and we all watched in horror as the event unfolded before our eyes.
So, where was I?
Much like when Elvis died (if you are old enough), Princess Diana, Dale Earnhart, Micheal Jackson, 9-11 you can not forget where you were the day you heard or saw what happened....
In 1995, I was working as in merchandise display at JCPenneys, we had to be at work very early so, I was already on break with the girls, I was standing by a table with a green apple in my hand.
I will never forget the feeling for helplessness and terror when they showed it, and absolute fright came over me when they said there were children in the building. I had just realized a few weeks before that I was pregnant with my oldest son. For the first time in my life I felt the horror of being a parent and seeing a child suffer, and know how a parent might actually feel.
As the time passed during that long morning everyone seemed to be walking in a fog. How could someone be so evil, so cold to set up people to die intentionally?
I will never understand why or how they could lay down to sleep at night and ever have a moment of peace within their minds.
It was the day our state was rocked to its very core, the day our sense of security was shaken and the day we collectively asked “Why?”
At 9:02am on April 19, 1995, the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City exploded as a result of the most destructive act of terrorism American had ever known at that time. The bomb killed 168 people, including 19 children. More than 680 people were injured, 324 buildings within a sixteen-block radius were damaged, 86 cars were destroyed, and the explosion shattered glass in 258 buildings close by. In addition to the deaths, building destruction and damage to property, people all over the state were, in an instant, knocked from the reverie of their normal day-to-day goings on and we all watched in horror as the event unfolded before our eyes.
So, where was I?
Much like when Elvis died (if you are old enough), Princess Diana, Dale Earnhart, Micheal Jackson, 9-11 you can not forget where you were the day you heard or saw what happened....
In 1995, I was working as in merchandise display at JCPenneys, we had to be at work very early so, I was already on break with the girls, I was standing by a table with a green apple in my hand.
I will never forget the feeling for helplessness and terror when they showed it, and absolute fright came over me when they said there were children in the building. I had just realized a few weeks before that I was pregnant with my oldest son. For the first time in my life I felt the horror of being a parent and seeing a child suffer, and know how a parent might actually feel.
As the time passed during that long morning everyone seemed to be walking in a fog. How could someone be so evil, so cold to set up people to die intentionally?
I will never understand why or how they could lay down to sleep at night and ever have a moment of peace within their minds.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Joy comes when?
Okay, so I am doing this bible study and it is Me and My Big Mouth... no that's the title of it, I am not JUST referring to my big mouth...which I am declaring is only used for good, to bring joy to others and allow them to be drawn to know Gods unconditional love.
So, we are learning things that are really, truly only a refresher of what I have always been taught as a Christian. But, it just like opening the windows of your house after it's been closed up for awhile...we can all use a burst of fresh air.
Declaring, believing, saying, thinking positively, standing on the Word of God based on His will/purpose for YOUR life.
At church awhile back out Pastor said that we needed to get into Gods Joy, use it like a superpower, you know like with Superman.... because the joy will protect you from things. When things happen you will not feel the affect of them.
WOW how great is that? If it is true and can happen.... well I am proof that it can happen and it does happen and all I had to do was change my way of thinking.
Stop judging people, stop being so negative and getting caught up in the negative. Focus on the postive, sounds a bit Santa Clausy I know... but it is true!
I am not saying that things won't happen or don't happen but if and when they do I have found that by walking in my faith in the Lord and standing on His Word. Isaiah 48:3, I have declared from the beginning the former things; they went forth from MY mouth and I made them known; then suddenly I did them, and they came to pass.
God's method of operation: First HE declares things, then He does them.... the key in the middle of that for me is that I have to SAY them and BELIEVE them.
God changed Abraham and Sarahs names when he told them He was going to bless them because...they needed a new self image BEFORE the miracle God told them He had for them could occur.
How many times do we not allow a miracle that God has for us to occur only because we are still looking at what we were before Christ!
Without God, we cannot change things but in agreement WITH Him all things are possible Matthew 17:20.
God wants us to prophesy what we desire to see happen in our lives..... He wants us to step out there and say what we desire because OUR words are powerful...
If we choose to line up our mouth with HIS WORD, we need to prepare ourselves to be blessed.
So in my opinion and more importantly in my experience when does Joy come?
It comes when I start speaking His Word that lines up with His Purpose for my life.... the closer I get to Him the more Joy I feel, the less I feel the sting of the 'junk' that goes on around me.
So, we are learning things that are really, truly only a refresher of what I have always been taught as a Christian. But, it just like opening the windows of your house after it's been closed up for awhile...we can all use a burst of fresh air.
Declaring, believing, saying, thinking positively, standing on the Word of God based on His will/purpose for YOUR life.
At church awhile back out Pastor said that we needed to get into Gods Joy, use it like a superpower, you know like with Superman.... because the joy will protect you from things. When things happen you will not feel the affect of them.
WOW how great is that? If it is true and can happen.... well I am proof that it can happen and it does happen and all I had to do was change my way of thinking.
Stop judging people, stop being so negative and getting caught up in the negative. Focus on the postive, sounds a bit Santa Clausy I know... but it is true!
I am not saying that things won't happen or don't happen but if and when they do I have found that by walking in my faith in the Lord and standing on His Word. Isaiah 48:3, I have declared from the beginning the former things; they went forth from MY mouth and I made them known; then suddenly I did them, and they came to pass.
God's method of operation: First HE declares things, then He does them.... the key in the middle of that for me is that I have to SAY them and BELIEVE them.
God changed Abraham and Sarahs names when he told them He was going to bless them because...they needed a new self image BEFORE the miracle God told them He had for them could occur.
How many times do we not allow a miracle that God has for us to occur only because we are still looking at what we were before Christ!
Without God, we cannot change things but in agreement WITH Him all things are possible Matthew 17:20.
God wants us to prophesy what we desire to see happen in our lives..... He wants us to step out there and say what we desire because OUR words are powerful...
If we choose to line up our mouth with HIS WORD, we need to prepare ourselves to be blessed.
So in my opinion and more importantly in my experience when does Joy come?
It comes when I start speaking His Word that lines up with His Purpose for my life.... the closer I get to Him the more Joy I feel, the less I feel the sting of the 'junk' that goes on around me.
Friday, April 9, 2010
doors
When God opens a door I truly believe that He does it for a reason... it is always exciting to feel Him at work in your life.
I have also noticed that He seems to open doors quickly... making it so easy to walk through them.
But, it seems He closes doors slowly... making it difficult to walk out of them (away from them).
I have also noticed that He seems to open doors quickly... making it so easy to walk through them.
But, it seems He closes doors slowly... making it difficult to walk out of them (away from them).
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Honor
I have had a week of firsts...a week of things that I have been a part of that I never imagined I would do. Not that I thought I couldn't, I just never thought of doing.
I spoke to our school district board...briefly I will admit, but my heart was pounding so hard. Speaking in front of a former journalist, the superintendent of our schools, the incoming superintendent, and many other people that are actively involved in the education of my children along with the thousands in Broken Arrow.
Then I presented at the PTA Council meeting a program from the National PTA. And for the most part people seemed to be actively listening and I didn't even have to throw chocolate at them...
But those pale in comparison to the honor and pride I felt when I witnessed the things I am writing next.
My boys took a step in their relationship with Christ, one that I didn't take at their young ages... and they did it without me pushing or nagging, they listened to the Holy Spirit, to God's voice speak to them. Coulson is so excited he has told more people about being baptized than about getting the Wii he wanted for over a year.
Tonight, a lady who I respect very much thanked John Luc for his help, he looked her in the eye and in the most mature, respectful and geniune way he said, "Sure, absolutely anytime."
I saw a piece of my son turning into a young man tonight, I saw my boys turn into young men of God this week...
NOTHING I could ever do could compare to the honor and pride, and even humilty that I felt at those moments and even now as I reflect upon them...
I spoke to our school district board...briefly I will admit, but my heart was pounding so hard. Speaking in front of a former journalist, the superintendent of our schools, the incoming superintendent, and many other people that are actively involved in the education of my children along with the thousands in Broken Arrow.
Then I presented at the PTA Council meeting a program from the National PTA. And for the most part people seemed to be actively listening and I didn't even have to throw chocolate at them...
But those pale in comparison to the honor and pride I felt when I witnessed the things I am writing next.
My boys took a step in their relationship with Christ, one that I didn't take at their young ages... and they did it without me pushing or nagging, they listened to the Holy Spirit, to God's voice speak to them. Coulson is so excited he has told more people about being baptized than about getting the Wii he wanted for over a year.
Tonight, a lady who I respect very much thanked John Luc for his help, he looked her in the eye and in the most mature, respectful and geniune way he said, "Sure, absolutely anytime."
I saw a piece of my son turning into a young man tonight, I saw my boys turn into young men of God this week...
NOTHING I could ever do could compare to the honor and pride, and even humilty that I felt at those moments and even now as I reflect upon them...
day by day-
Taking things day by day is a good plan...unless you are a planner like me. I like to plan, I like to know what is going on tomorrow-
Of course, as a Christian that is key in your walk with the Lord. After all I can't see tomorrow, only He knows what it holds... of course it is based on my walk with Him.
I face a decision, part of me feels I should walk away another part of me feels like I need to do something to make things better.
Can I make things better? Only if I am given a chance.
Have I been given a chance so far to help? Not really.
Seems pretty cut and dry... but when you feelings, emotions are involved it's never cut and dry is it?
So, I will go back to my faith. I will ask the Lord to show me, give me peace. After all there isn't much I can do unless I am the one with the power to make the decisions that help create the change. All I can control is my choices....I choose to trust the Lord to guide me.
Of course, as a Christian that is key in your walk with the Lord. After all I can't see tomorrow, only He knows what it holds... of course it is based on my walk with Him.
I face a decision, part of me feels I should walk away another part of me feels like I need to do something to make things better.
Can I make things better? Only if I am given a chance.
Have I been given a chance so far to help? Not really.
Seems pretty cut and dry... but when you feelings, emotions are involved it's never cut and dry is it?
So, I will go back to my faith. I will ask the Lord to show me, give me peace. After all there isn't much I can do unless I am the one with the power to make the decisions that help create the change. All I can control is my choices....I choose to trust the Lord to guide me.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I searched and look what I found...
Is blood really thicker than water? Is there a bond between people because of the blood that runs through their veins?
In 1973 my father died, it was the last time that I recalled seeing his only sibling. His parents had both died before dad. His grandparents were both gone. As time went by we lost contact with his family, which was my grandmothers family. Eventually, we left the area that my father grew up in. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad, that part of me misses him or misses having a dad not sure which one it is. I'd like to think that it is him the person I miss not the role that he was to have played in my life.
A few years ago, I began researching my family name, it's not like it would be hard to find people with the same last name seeing how it is such an unusual one...lol. I found my aunts name, I saw that she had passed away but through that I was able to find her son, my only 1st cousin on my dads side. I called him one Sunday afternoon, not knowing if he would remember me or care. It was amazing, he'd wondered where we were.... we stayed in contact somewhat; time went by and I felt such a need to go back to Rockford. So, in the fall of 2007 we loaded up the car and I called Brian as we were getting in the car telling him we were driving up to Illinois. Because God is just that good it just so happened that Brians family were going to be in Rockford that weekend.
With the anticipation of a child on Christmas Eve I got in the car and we began our journey.... the trip was filled with blessings all the way. The best trip we'd been on to that point. We got to Rockford, I had a list of names and places to go see or call. Everyone I called was eager to see me and meet my family.... everywhere I went I saw things I remembered with the joy that I had imagined from my childhood.
Brian and his family arrived in Rockford the evening after we did... how can I explain the feeling of seeing someone that I hadn't recalled seeing since before 1973... it could have been like seeing or meeting a stranger. But it wasn't, it was like a part of me had been reattached to my spirit. Like something I had lost so long ago and finally found it again. If I could have stayed longer I would have. Part of me wanted to settle in and not leave... my children bonded immediately with their cousins, and ask so often about when we will see them again.
We shared memories, and updated each other. I met my fathers aunt who was 95 at the time. Even that was not like meeting someone for the first time, it was like I'd always known her, how do you explain that other than Blood is a bond that ties people together.
I wept like a baby (probably embarrassed myself horribly) as we said goodbye that last day. Making plans to get together soon, as life has it situations have not allowed a reunion as of yet, but it will soon... but even if it isn't as soon as I like, I found part of me that was lost and it can not be replaced.
But does that mean that a bond isn't there if you don't share blood? I have family who are distant as far as blood goes but there is a bond that you can not argue with. My moms cousins son & daughter-in-law, that is a special relationship for me as well as my children. My cousins boys, I adore, I feel as if I've known them everyday of their lives...truth is I knew them when they were young and re-met them a few years ago... but it doesn't feel like that. I talk to them as often as we can get intouch with each other, and I love being an active part of their lives and families.
Then there's the family that you don't share a drop of blood... My Grandma Wilson, Granny Wilson....her grandchildren call her that, it took me years to call her that. When a woman loves you like she loves her very own grandchildren and you feel that deep to the core of your being how do you explain that?
Or my friend Tami, I've known Tami for almost 30 yrs... (we were toddlers when we met, yeah right!) There is something there that I can't explain it is a relationship that is hard to detail; other than she feels like a sister...a true sister. But beyond that her own siblings feel like a part of my extended family, when I am with them it is like that is right where I belong...what a great feeling, I love that group!!!
The Waters family, they loaned us their son for less than a year... what a year that was- he is my son not taking away from his amazing mother Shannon by any means... I will take 2nd to her anyday; but he is like a son, like an older brother to my children. Even to this day my kids ask, If Christian wanted to come back home would you let him live with us...oh of course without a doubt--maybe I should send him a key, lol.
Then there is this new friend that has come into our lives, Rhonda. There aren't words to describe what is there, because it is so genuine, so real it doesn't feel like it hasn't been a lifetime of friendship.
I guess the Blood does matter, but what doesn't matter is if it is the Blood of your ancestors or the Blood of Jesus that binds us. And when you share the Blood of Jesus and the Blood of your ancestors it is all that much greater.
I cherish my family and friends. I do not take lightly those that God has brought into my life, I try to not take for granted the love that I have been given; and I pray that I have given back 100x more than what has been given to me; I truly feel it is greater to give than to receive!!!
In 1973 my father died, it was the last time that I recalled seeing his only sibling. His parents had both died before dad. His grandparents were both gone. As time went by we lost contact with his family, which was my grandmothers family. Eventually, we left the area that my father grew up in. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad, that part of me misses him or misses having a dad not sure which one it is. I'd like to think that it is him the person I miss not the role that he was to have played in my life.
A few years ago, I began researching my family name, it's not like it would be hard to find people with the same last name seeing how it is such an unusual one...lol. I found my aunts name, I saw that she had passed away but through that I was able to find her son, my only 1st cousin on my dads side. I called him one Sunday afternoon, not knowing if he would remember me or care. It was amazing, he'd wondered where we were.... we stayed in contact somewhat; time went by and I felt such a need to go back to Rockford. So, in the fall of 2007 we loaded up the car and I called Brian as we were getting in the car telling him we were driving up to Illinois. Because God is just that good it just so happened that Brians family were going to be in Rockford that weekend.
With the anticipation of a child on Christmas Eve I got in the car and we began our journey.... the trip was filled with blessings all the way. The best trip we'd been on to that point. We got to Rockford, I had a list of names and places to go see or call. Everyone I called was eager to see me and meet my family.... everywhere I went I saw things I remembered with the joy that I had imagined from my childhood.
Brian and his family arrived in Rockford the evening after we did... how can I explain the feeling of seeing someone that I hadn't recalled seeing since before 1973... it could have been like seeing or meeting a stranger. But it wasn't, it was like a part of me had been reattached to my spirit. Like something I had lost so long ago and finally found it again. If I could have stayed longer I would have. Part of me wanted to settle in and not leave... my children bonded immediately with their cousins, and ask so often about when we will see them again.
We shared memories, and updated each other. I met my fathers aunt who was 95 at the time. Even that was not like meeting someone for the first time, it was like I'd always known her, how do you explain that other than Blood is a bond that ties people together.
I wept like a baby (probably embarrassed myself horribly) as we said goodbye that last day. Making plans to get together soon, as life has it situations have not allowed a reunion as of yet, but it will soon... but even if it isn't as soon as I like, I found part of me that was lost and it can not be replaced.
But does that mean that a bond isn't there if you don't share blood? I have family who are distant as far as blood goes but there is a bond that you can not argue with. My moms cousins son & daughter-in-law, that is a special relationship for me as well as my children. My cousins boys, I adore, I feel as if I've known them everyday of their lives...truth is I knew them when they were young and re-met them a few years ago... but it doesn't feel like that. I talk to them as often as we can get intouch with each other, and I love being an active part of their lives and families.
Then there's the family that you don't share a drop of blood... My Grandma Wilson, Granny Wilson....her grandchildren call her that, it took me years to call her that. When a woman loves you like she loves her very own grandchildren and you feel that deep to the core of your being how do you explain that?
Or my friend Tami, I've known Tami for almost 30 yrs... (we were toddlers when we met, yeah right!) There is something there that I can't explain it is a relationship that is hard to detail; other than she feels like a sister...a true sister. But beyond that her own siblings feel like a part of my extended family, when I am with them it is like that is right where I belong...what a great feeling, I love that group!!!
The Waters family, they loaned us their son for less than a year... what a year that was- he is my son not taking away from his amazing mother Shannon by any means... I will take 2nd to her anyday; but he is like a son, like an older brother to my children. Even to this day my kids ask, If Christian wanted to come back home would you let him live with us...oh of course without a doubt--maybe I should send him a key, lol.
Then there is this new friend that has come into our lives, Rhonda. There aren't words to describe what is there, because it is so genuine, so real it doesn't feel like it hasn't been a lifetime of friendship.
I guess the Blood does matter, but what doesn't matter is if it is the Blood of your ancestors or the Blood of Jesus that binds us. And when you share the Blood of Jesus and the Blood of your ancestors it is all that much greater.
I cherish my family and friends. I do not take lightly those that God has brought into my life, I try to not take for granted the love that I have been given; and I pray that I have given back 100x more than what has been given to me; I truly feel it is greater to give than to receive!!!
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