April 19, 1995 – If you're a long-time Oklahoman you know the significance of this day. If you're not, well, you probably know the significance as well.
It was the day our state was rocked to its very core, the day our sense of security was shaken and the day we collectively asked “Why?”
At 9:02am on April 19, 1995, the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City exploded as a result of the most destructive act of terrorism American had ever known at that time. The bomb killed 168 people, including 19 children. More than 680 people were injured, 324 buildings within a sixteen-block radius were damaged, 86 cars were destroyed, and the explosion shattered glass in 258 buildings close by. In addition to the deaths, building destruction and damage to property, people all over the state were, in an instant, knocked from the reverie of their normal day-to-day goings on and we all watched in horror as the event unfolded before our eyes.
So, where was I?
Much like when Elvis died (if you are old enough), Princess Diana, Dale Earnhart, Micheal Jackson, 9-11 you can not forget where you were the day you heard or saw what happened....
In 1995, I was working as in merchandise display at JCPenneys, we had to be at work very early so, I was already on break with the girls, I was standing by a table with a green apple in my hand.
I will never forget the feeling for helplessness and terror when they showed it, and absolute fright came over me when they said there were children in the building. I had just realized a few weeks before that I was pregnant with my oldest son. For the first time in my life I felt the horror of being a parent and seeing a child suffer, and know how a parent might actually feel.
As the time passed during that long morning everyone seemed to be walking in a fog. How could someone be so evil, so cold to set up people to die intentionally?
I will never understand why or how they could lay down to sleep at night and ever have a moment of peace within their minds.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Joy comes when?
Okay, so I am doing this bible study and it is Me and My Big Mouth... no that's the title of it, I am not JUST referring to my big mouth...which I am declaring is only used for good, to bring joy to others and allow them to be drawn to know Gods unconditional love.
So, we are learning things that are really, truly only a refresher of what I have always been taught as a Christian. But, it just like opening the windows of your house after it's been closed up for awhile...we can all use a burst of fresh air.
Declaring, believing, saying, thinking positively, standing on the Word of God based on His will/purpose for YOUR life.
At church awhile back out Pastor said that we needed to get into Gods Joy, use it like a superpower, you know like with Superman.... because the joy will protect you from things. When things happen you will not feel the affect of them.
WOW how great is that? If it is true and can happen.... well I am proof that it can happen and it does happen and all I had to do was change my way of thinking.
Stop judging people, stop being so negative and getting caught up in the negative. Focus on the postive, sounds a bit Santa Clausy I know... but it is true!
I am not saying that things won't happen or don't happen but if and when they do I have found that by walking in my faith in the Lord and standing on His Word. Isaiah 48:3, I have declared from the beginning the former things; they went forth from MY mouth and I made them known; then suddenly I did them, and they came to pass.
God's method of operation: First HE declares things, then He does them.... the key in the middle of that for me is that I have to SAY them and BELIEVE them.
God changed Abraham and Sarahs names when he told them He was going to bless them because...they needed a new self image BEFORE the miracle God told them He had for them could occur.
How many times do we not allow a miracle that God has for us to occur only because we are still looking at what we were before Christ!
Without God, we cannot change things but in agreement WITH Him all things are possible Matthew 17:20.
God wants us to prophesy what we desire to see happen in our lives..... He wants us to step out there and say what we desire because OUR words are powerful...
If we choose to line up our mouth with HIS WORD, we need to prepare ourselves to be blessed.
So in my opinion and more importantly in my experience when does Joy come?
It comes when I start speaking His Word that lines up with His Purpose for my life.... the closer I get to Him the more Joy I feel, the less I feel the sting of the 'junk' that goes on around me.
So, we are learning things that are really, truly only a refresher of what I have always been taught as a Christian. But, it just like opening the windows of your house after it's been closed up for awhile...we can all use a burst of fresh air.
Declaring, believing, saying, thinking positively, standing on the Word of God based on His will/purpose for YOUR life.
At church awhile back out Pastor said that we needed to get into Gods Joy, use it like a superpower, you know like with Superman.... because the joy will protect you from things. When things happen you will not feel the affect of them.
WOW how great is that? If it is true and can happen.... well I am proof that it can happen and it does happen and all I had to do was change my way of thinking.
Stop judging people, stop being so negative and getting caught up in the negative. Focus on the postive, sounds a bit Santa Clausy I know... but it is true!
I am not saying that things won't happen or don't happen but if and when they do I have found that by walking in my faith in the Lord and standing on His Word. Isaiah 48:3, I have declared from the beginning the former things; they went forth from MY mouth and I made them known; then suddenly I did them, and they came to pass.
God's method of operation: First HE declares things, then He does them.... the key in the middle of that for me is that I have to SAY them and BELIEVE them.
God changed Abraham and Sarahs names when he told them He was going to bless them because...they needed a new self image BEFORE the miracle God told them He had for them could occur.
How many times do we not allow a miracle that God has for us to occur only because we are still looking at what we were before Christ!
Without God, we cannot change things but in agreement WITH Him all things are possible Matthew 17:20.
God wants us to prophesy what we desire to see happen in our lives..... He wants us to step out there and say what we desire because OUR words are powerful...
If we choose to line up our mouth with HIS WORD, we need to prepare ourselves to be blessed.
So in my opinion and more importantly in my experience when does Joy come?
It comes when I start speaking His Word that lines up with His Purpose for my life.... the closer I get to Him the more Joy I feel, the less I feel the sting of the 'junk' that goes on around me.
Friday, April 9, 2010
doors
When God opens a door I truly believe that He does it for a reason... it is always exciting to feel Him at work in your life.
I have also noticed that He seems to open doors quickly... making it so easy to walk through them.
But, it seems He closes doors slowly... making it difficult to walk out of them (away from them).
I have also noticed that He seems to open doors quickly... making it so easy to walk through them.
But, it seems He closes doors slowly... making it difficult to walk out of them (away from them).
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Honor
I have had a week of firsts...a week of things that I have been a part of that I never imagined I would do. Not that I thought I couldn't, I just never thought of doing.
I spoke to our school district board...briefly I will admit, but my heart was pounding so hard. Speaking in front of a former journalist, the superintendent of our schools, the incoming superintendent, and many other people that are actively involved in the education of my children along with the thousands in Broken Arrow.
Then I presented at the PTA Council meeting a program from the National PTA. And for the most part people seemed to be actively listening and I didn't even have to throw chocolate at them...
But those pale in comparison to the honor and pride I felt when I witnessed the things I am writing next.
My boys took a step in their relationship with Christ, one that I didn't take at their young ages... and they did it without me pushing or nagging, they listened to the Holy Spirit, to God's voice speak to them. Coulson is so excited he has told more people about being baptized than about getting the Wii he wanted for over a year.
Tonight, a lady who I respect very much thanked John Luc for his help, he looked her in the eye and in the most mature, respectful and geniune way he said, "Sure, absolutely anytime."
I saw a piece of my son turning into a young man tonight, I saw my boys turn into young men of God this week...
NOTHING I could ever do could compare to the honor and pride, and even humilty that I felt at those moments and even now as I reflect upon them...
I spoke to our school district board...briefly I will admit, but my heart was pounding so hard. Speaking in front of a former journalist, the superintendent of our schools, the incoming superintendent, and many other people that are actively involved in the education of my children along with the thousands in Broken Arrow.
Then I presented at the PTA Council meeting a program from the National PTA. And for the most part people seemed to be actively listening and I didn't even have to throw chocolate at them...
But those pale in comparison to the honor and pride I felt when I witnessed the things I am writing next.
My boys took a step in their relationship with Christ, one that I didn't take at their young ages... and they did it without me pushing or nagging, they listened to the Holy Spirit, to God's voice speak to them. Coulson is so excited he has told more people about being baptized than about getting the Wii he wanted for over a year.
Tonight, a lady who I respect very much thanked John Luc for his help, he looked her in the eye and in the most mature, respectful and geniune way he said, "Sure, absolutely anytime."
I saw a piece of my son turning into a young man tonight, I saw my boys turn into young men of God this week...
NOTHING I could ever do could compare to the honor and pride, and even humilty that I felt at those moments and even now as I reflect upon them...
day by day-
Taking things day by day is a good plan...unless you are a planner like me. I like to plan, I like to know what is going on tomorrow-
Of course, as a Christian that is key in your walk with the Lord. After all I can't see tomorrow, only He knows what it holds... of course it is based on my walk with Him.
I face a decision, part of me feels I should walk away another part of me feels like I need to do something to make things better.
Can I make things better? Only if I am given a chance.
Have I been given a chance so far to help? Not really.
Seems pretty cut and dry... but when you feelings, emotions are involved it's never cut and dry is it?
So, I will go back to my faith. I will ask the Lord to show me, give me peace. After all there isn't much I can do unless I am the one with the power to make the decisions that help create the change. All I can control is my choices....I choose to trust the Lord to guide me.
Of course, as a Christian that is key in your walk with the Lord. After all I can't see tomorrow, only He knows what it holds... of course it is based on my walk with Him.
I face a decision, part of me feels I should walk away another part of me feels like I need to do something to make things better.
Can I make things better? Only if I am given a chance.
Have I been given a chance so far to help? Not really.
Seems pretty cut and dry... but when you feelings, emotions are involved it's never cut and dry is it?
So, I will go back to my faith. I will ask the Lord to show me, give me peace. After all there isn't much I can do unless I am the one with the power to make the decisions that help create the change. All I can control is my choices....I choose to trust the Lord to guide me.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I searched and look what I found...
Is blood really thicker than water? Is there a bond between people because of the blood that runs through their veins?
In 1973 my father died, it was the last time that I recalled seeing his only sibling. His parents had both died before dad. His grandparents were both gone. As time went by we lost contact with his family, which was my grandmothers family. Eventually, we left the area that my father grew up in. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad, that part of me misses him or misses having a dad not sure which one it is. I'd like to think that it is him the person I miss not the role that he was to have played in my life.
A few years ago, I began researching my family name, it's not like it would be hard to find people with the same last name seeing how it is such an unusual one...lol. I found my aunts name, I saw that she had passed away but through that I was able to find her son, my only 1st cousin on my dads side. I called him one Sunday afternoon, not knowing if he would remember me or care. It was amazing, he'd wondered where we were.... we stayed in contact somewhat; time went by and I felt such a need to go back to Rockford. So, in the fall of 2007 we loaded up the car and I called Brian as we were getting in the car telling him we were driving up to Illinois. Because God is just that good it just so happened that Brians family were going to be in Rockford that weekend.
With the anticipation of a child on Christmas Eve I got in the car and we began our journey.... the trip was filled with blessings all the way. The best trip we'd been on to that point. We got to Rockford, I had a list of names and places to go see or call. Everyone I called was eager to see me and meet my family.... everywhere I went I saw things I remembered with the joy that I had imagined from my childhood.
Brian and his family arrived in Rockford the evening after we did... how can I explain the feeling of seeing someone that I hadn't recalled seeing since before 1973... it could have been like seeing or meeting a stranger. But it wasn't, it was like a part of me had been reattached to my spirit. Like something I had lost so long ago and finally found it again. If I could have stayed longer I would have. Part of me wanted to settle in and not leave... my children bonded immediately with their cousins, and ask so often about when we will see them again.
We shared memories, and updated each other. I met my fathers aunt who was 95 at the time. Even that was not like meeting someone for the first time, it was like I'd always known her, how do you explain that other than Blood is a bond that ties people together.
I wept like a baby (probably embarrassed myself horribly) as we said goodbye that last day. Making plans to get together soon, as life has it situations have not allowed a reunion as of yet, but it will soon... but even if it isn't as soon as I like, I found part of me that was lost and it can not be replaced.
But does that mean that a bond isn't there if you don't share blood? I have family who are distant as far as blood goes but there is a bond that you can not argue with. My moms cousins son & daughter-in-law, that is a special relationship for me as well as my children. My cousins boys, I adore, I feel as if I've known them everyday of their lives...truth is I knew them when they were young and re-met them a few years ago... but it doesn't feel like that. I talk to them as often as we can get intouch with each other, and I love being an active part of their lives and families.
Then there's the family that you don't share a drop of blood... My Grandma Wilson, Granny Wilson....her grandchildren call her that, it took me years to call her that. When a woman loves you like she loves her very own grandchildren and you feel that deep to the core of your being how do you explain that?
Or my friend Tami, I've known Tami for almost 30 yrs... (we were toddlers when we met, yeah right!) There is something there that I can't explain it is a relationship that is hard to detail; other than she feels like a sister...a true sister. But beyond that her own siblings feel like a part of my extended family, when I am with them it is like that is right where I belong...what a great feeling, I love that group!!!
The Waters family, they loaned us their son for less than a year... what a year that was- he is my son not taking away from his amazing mother Shannon by any means... I will take 2nd to her anyday; but he is like a son, like an older brother to my children. Even to this day my kids ask, If Christian wanted to come back home would you let him live with us...oh of course without a doubt--maybe I should send him a key, lol.
Then there is this new friend that has come into our lives, Rhonda. There aren't words to describe what is there, because it is so genuine, so real it doesn't feel like it hasn't been a lifetime of friendship.
I guess the Blood does matter, but what doesn't matter is if it is the Blood of your ancestors or the Blood of Jesus that binds us. And when you share the Blood of Jesus and the Blood of your ancestors it is all that much greater.
I cherish my family and friends. I do not take lightly those that God has brought into my life, I try to not take for granted the love that I have been given; and I pray that I have given back 100x more than what has been given to me; I truly feel it is greater to give than to receive!!!
In 1973 my father died, it was the last time that I recalled seeing his only sibling. His parents had both died before dad. His grandparents were both gone. As time went by we lost contact with his family, which was my grandmothers family. Eventually, we left the area that my father grew up in. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad, that part of me misses him or misses having a dad not sure which one it is. I'd like to think that it is him the person I miss not the role that he was to have played in my life.
A few years ago, I began researching my family name, it's not like it would be hard to find people with the same last name seeing how it is such an unusual one...lol. I found my aunts name, I saw that she had passed away but through that I was able to find her son, my only 1st cousin on my dads side. I called him one Sunday afternoon, not knowing if he would remember me or care. It was amazing, he'd wondered where we were.... we stayed in contact somewhat; time went by and I felt such a need to go back to Rockford. So, in the fall of 2007 we loaded up the car and I called Brian as we were getting in the car telling him we were driving up to Illinois. Because God is just that good it just so happened that Brians family were going to be in Rockford that weekend.
With the anticipation of a child on Christmas Eve I got in the car and we began our journey.... the trip was filled with blessings all the way. The best trip we'd been on to that point. We got to Rockford, I had a list of names and places to go see or call. Everyone I called was eager to see me and meet my family.... everywhere I went I saw things I remembered with the joy that I had imagined from my childhood.
Brian and his family arrived in Rockford the evening after we did... how can I explain the feeling of seeing someone that I hadn't recalled seeing since before 1973... it could have been like seeing or meeting a stranger. But it wasn't, it was like a part of me had been reattached to my spirit. Like something I had lost so long ago and finally found it again. If I could have stayed longer I would have. Part of me wanted to settle in and not leave... my children bonded immediately with their cousins, and ask so often about when we will see them again.
We shared memories, and updated each other. I met my fathers aunt who was 95 at the time. Even that was not like meeting someone for the first time, it was like I'd always known her, how do you explain that other than Blood is a bond that ties people together.
I wept like a baby (probably embarrassed myself horribly) as we said goodbye that last day. Making plans to get together soon, as life has it situations have not allowed a reunion as of yet, but it will soon... but even if it isn't as soon as I like, I found part of me that was lost and it can not be replaced.
But does that mean that a bond isn't there if you don't share blood? I have family who are distant as far as blood goes but there is a bond that you can not argue with. My moms cousins son & daughter-in-law, that is a special relationship for me as well as my children. My cousins boys, I adore, I feel as if I've known them everyday of their lives...truth is I knew them when they were young and re-met them a few years ago... but it doesn't feel like that. I talk to them as often as we can get intouch with each other, and I love being an active part of their lives and families.
Then there's the family that you don't share a drop of blood... My Grandma Wilson, Granny Wilson....her grandchildren call her that, it took me years to call her that. When a woman loves you like she loves her very own grandchildren and you feel that deep to the core of your being how do you explain that?
Or my friend Tami, I've known Tami for almost 30 yrs... (we were toddlers when we met, yeah right!) There is something there that I can't explain it is a relationship that is hard to detail; other than she feels like a sister...a true sister. But beyond that her own siblings feel like a part of my extended family, when I am with them it is like that is right where I belong...what a great feeling, I love that group!!!
The Waters family, they loaned us their son for less than a year... what a year that was- he is my son not taking away from his amazing mother Shannon by any means... I will take 2nd to her anyday; but he is like a son, like an older brother to my children. Even to this day my kids ask, If Christian wanted to come back home would you let him live with us...oh of course without a doubt--maybe I should send him a key, lol.
Then there is this new friend that has come into our lives, Rhonda. There aren't words to describe what is there, because it is so genuine, so real it doesn't feel like it hasn't been a lifetime of friendship.
I guess the Blood does matter, but what doesn't matter is if it is the Blood of your ancestors or the Blood of Jesus that binds us. And when you share the Blood of Jesus and the Blood of your ancestors it is all that much greater.
I cherish my family and friends. I do not take lightly those that God has brought into my life, I try to not take for granted the love that I have been given; and I pray that I have given back 100x more than what has been given to me; I truly feel it is greater to give than to receive!!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Easter
There was such an anticpation of Easter this year for me. The best for me to describe it is like when I was a child and I would get excited about Christmas or my birthday... so many times as I got older those holidays became a bit disappointing to me. But, ever year I would get excited again... I just could never be the person who lowered her expectations as to not be disappointed...I always remained hopeful.
I didn't know what was going to happen on Easter weekend, didn't know what to expect but, I couldn't help but feel as if I was truly happy, happy like I had been in a long time.
I had spent the weekend before with my dear friend, and we had fun, but more than anything we spent the weekend talking about God.
As Easter came the joy was stronger... did I walk away from the weekend disappointed? Not at all, did something magical happen, no not really. What I did witness was my boys making a decision to take another step in their relationship with God, by getting baptized. My oldest son (John Luc, 14) went forward with a good friend by his side. My youngest son (Coulson, 8) went forward after he came to me and said, "Mom, I have to go now!" He ran down the aisle to the front, I was so touched by his enthusiasm, his excitement has continued he has told everyone that he was baptized this weekend. This for a parent or at least this parent is an amazing step in their walk with the Lord, a personal relationship that I want my children to have.
I didn't know what was going to happen on Easter weekend, didn't know what to expect but, I couldn't help but feel as if I was truly happy, happy like I had been in a long time.
I had spent the weekend before with my dear friend, and we had fun, but more than anything we spent the weekend talking about God.
As Easter came the joy was stronger... did I walk away from the weekend disappointed? Not at all, did something magical happen, no not really. What I did witness was my boys making a decision to take another step in their relationship with God, by getting baptized. My oldest son (John Luc, 14) went forward with a good friend by his side. My youngest son (Coulson, 8) went forward after he came to me and said, "Mom, I have to go now!" He ran down the aisle to the front, I was so touched by his enthusiasm, his excitement has continued he has told everyone that he was baptized this weekend. This for a parent or at least this parent is an amazing step in their walk with the Lord, a personal relationship that I want my children to have.
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